Laundry Room Security…
…I wash clothes so Jeremy doesn’t have to.
(It was funnier in my head, as so many things are.)
I was doing so well with house work for so long. Tidy house, clean(ish) floors, dishes done, dinner planned every night, laundry always folded and put away. I must have reached around too far to pat myself on the back over this because I seemed to have sprained something and can’t do anything but lie around anymore. I need a pool boy.
You can always tell how many days it’s been since I’ve done laundry by the pants I’m wearing around the house. I made a threat level diagram. I’m omitting shorts and skirts because temperatures around here plummeted a few days ago, and because it’s a lot of work to make basic pictures in paint. Especially with a touch pad. Maybe I’ll make a new threat level diagram for the summer. But probably not.
Laundry day, and the day after (Threat Level: None):
Jeans, they go with everything! The fabric is stiff enough to shape my waistline into something resembling a waist!
Two days post-laundry (Threat Level: Low):
Jeans, they stretch out! And sag! And the only thing they hold in are the flesh just below your waist.
I didn’t draw the love handles. You’re welcome.
Four days post-laundry (Threat Level: Guarded):
By now they are barely staying on. And I’ve eaten a few meals, thus the polka dots (they’re actually food, but I’m not good with Paint). Shut up. Do you know how hard it is to find jeans that fit? Jeans that I won’t have to sell one of the kids in order to afford?
Wait. That’s genius!
Six days post-laundry (Threat Level: Elevated):
This is odd, I know, but these are my nice pants. I save them for church. So if you see me wearing them, and it’s not Sunday, it probably means I accidentally poured ketchup on myself the day before.
Ten days post-laundry (Threat Level: High):
Yes, I wore the other pants for four days. Shut up. They make me look skinny. Don’t judge.
These are my fleece pants from Christmas three years ago. They’re very comfortable. I love them. But they’re not for public consumption. And they don’t make a housewife feel sexy. I don’t think they make anyone feel sexy.
Twelve days post-laundry (Threat Level: Severe):
If you stop by my house and find me in these, it probably means you want to turn right around and go back to wherever you came from. We have no clean laundry. The kids are probably naked. Jeremy is wearing that one shirt I always shove to the back of the closet because I hate it but don’t have the heart to tell him, so I just hope he’ll forget about it back there.
I couldn’t capture the correct color on here. They are horrible enough to be offensive, but just unhorrible enough to maybe make a person think I wore them on purpose because I like them. This is why the pajama pants are a lower threat level. At least if I have to dart into the front yard, my neighbors will look at me and say, “Oh, she’s still in her pajamas.” If I run into the yard with these horrors on my legs, they’ll say, “What was she thinking paying money for those?”
They were THREE DOLLARS at Wal-Mart. And the only pants ever in existence that didn’t slice into my C-section wound. OKAY?
(Yes, my neighbors do pay close attention to my pants. It’s a really small town.)
(They don’t really.)
(But I always imagine people are talking about me… and not in a nice way.)
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I’m over emotional about our church placement. This helped. Thank you!
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I’ve got one more threat level in my world. I’d call it “Threat Level: Duck and Cover” and means that I have no clean pants left, am running around in my underwear and dragging a blanket after me to keep warm. (Yes, I’ve been there. Don’t judge.) ~rory
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Man this is so true….
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RYN: I’m not sure it depends on what they want Andrew to do. Field experience often involve teaching Sunday school so possible.
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Loved it! And I have one particular pair of pants I’ll wear until the stains are too obvious, then I’ll wash them and put them back on the same day! I really need to get a few more pairs, they were only $4 at walmart..
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Hilarious!
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This is awesome. And so true!
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LMAO. I should post my own version of this in my kitchen.
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I hear you on the church pants. Until I finally gained enough weight to give myself a Real! Actual! Butt! I loved my nice pants because they made my butt look like a movie star’s. Seriously. They were so flattering that they made my lack of butt look stunning. Not fitting into them is the one sad thing about having a butt of my own now.
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You forgot the “no pants” level, though. Wooooooooooo!
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ryn i should have known when i started crying because i couldnt buy any bananas in our grocery shop…sooooo emotional when pregnant…
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There is nothing in this world that I despise more than doing laundry. No, I take that back… I don’t mind doing laundry, I hate folding it all and putting everything away. I hate it so much that I’ll often buy new clothes just so I don’t have to do laundry. I have a lot of clothes. :/
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heh Glad someone nominated this 🙂
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LOL! I love your entry. Ryn: Thanks! I find my kids delectable little morsels. 🙂
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RYN: I’m there about 50hrs a wk. Maddie and I eat their food for breakfast and lunch which is a huge blessing but they don’t even have healthy options. I’ve never seen lettuce in their house for example. That’s like a staple in our home. So our other ingredients that are combined to MAKE food. They have almost solely prepared foods. Lunch options are: soup (mostly raman), mac n cheese, spegetthios
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mac n cheese, pb&j, sometimes lunch meat (mostly baloney), buttered noodles, frozen waffles, tuna (but with miracle whip GROSS), frozen pizza, frozen stir fry, frozen egg rolls, fish sticks, grilled cheese, cereal, …that’s exhaustive. When I was talking to Diane about the possibility of doing some cooking for this job she was on my FB and back then I was adding a lot of recipes to my blogspot.
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she was really excited about some of the foods i can cook and whatnot but not that she’s in the middle of it …well I think she’s just stuck. When she goes to the store she buys the same things all the time. She knows what her kids will eat and so she buys those “easy” things. To have me cook something “real” she would have to buy “real” ingredients. I’m guessing her time for that is limited and
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it’s probably intimidating if she’s not used to it. And then there’s the fear of “what if it’s a fight to get them to eat?” Especially since they are busy in the evenings too. Samantha has church school on Monday nights and dance on Tues nights. The soup thing…they had the stuff for me to make that. I’m not sure if she’s afraid that they won’t eat it or doesn’t want to make my life “difficult”.
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Sausage and buttered noddles: fry sausage, cook noodles, drain, add butter and garlic salt. Soup: Fry sausage, throw about 5items in a pot, boil tortellini in same pot. Not really much more difficult, lol.
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oh I’m petty. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have even run for the position. It’s just another form of social rejection after a lifetime of the same.
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This is the best thing I have seen today! Thanks for making me smile! Awesome diagrams.
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RYN: Thank you for all your encouragement! I appreciate all your advice too!
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RYN: No, I’m not using Baby Wise but he eats just about every two hours. The appointment time was going to fall right at his feeding time so I did try to feed him early but it didn’t work out that well!
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First of all…when are you planning on writing again? HMMM!? RYN: I didn’t describe my ultra sound very well. Things are different in STL and of course they are probably different from one practice to another. I don’t have an OBGYN. I have a MD. I haven’t met her yet. So I had my ultra sound at a HUGE hospital in their perinatal unit. There are 5 ultra sound rooms there and I’m not sure how many
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doctors. The tech said more than any tech I’ve seen before. Usually they can’t say much. Maybe she has extra training or maybe she thinks all that stuff is a load of BS and if she really was wrong I couldn’t prove she said anything anyway, lol. She was pretty awesome and I hope I see her next time around. Anyway, she said the heart beat was good, the baby looked healthy, and so did my ovaries.
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Then she said she always has to show a physician the ultra sound and she would be right back. Less than 5mins later a doctor walked in, verified the due date, and asked if I had the test done with MJ, if I was planning on having it done this time, and then suggested I have it (or maybe he just said when I could have it? I can’t remember!) in a few wks.
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babies turn out not to have a problem.
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Oh and I meant to say, Andrew and I felt like it shouldn’t be this doctor’s job to make these suggestions. With MJ at one of the first apts the doctor laid out all the different tests that are available and when we could do them then they reminded us (many many times) and asked me to sign something everytime I came in saying I refused the testing. Finally I said I wouldn’t sign anymore. I’m a jerk
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I’m guessing the reason he said that and so quickly was b/c he didn’t have a lot of time to talk to me and he is guessing that many people at 10wks 4 days aren’t going to see a doctor in the next 2 wks. If I wanted the testing I would need to make an apt like NOW so I’m guessing that’s all he meant. Good bedside matter would suggest he specify, “I say this to everyone”. Human factor. But he’s not
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my doctor so I’m not worried about him too much. The doctor I’m supposed to see eventually is a Christian and a pastor’s wife. How cool is that? Apparently she works with several ladies on campus and does a lot of baby deliveries despite not being an OB. I’m looking forward to possibly NOT waiting an hr for each apt or walking in to a sign that says, “Dr. Mattson is 3hrs behind schedule” etc.
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ryn: yea I don’t really get how everything works yet. I’m looking forward to meeting this doctor..i think in early sept. I hope she offers more info about how they do things. Possibly dr miller doesn’t really deliver babies since the first apt was to verify pregnancy?
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also you conviently disregarded the part about writing again. I may have to get your sister in on this… 😉
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http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/1301/26/ Particularly this part was interesting to me: Recent US studies have indicated that when Down syndrome is diagnosed prenatally, 84% to 91% of those babies will be killed by abortion.1,2,3,4 This trend is not isolated to the United States. In England, a 2004 study showed that 94% of babies who were diagnosed prenatally with Down syndrome were
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subsequently aborted. I’d also like to point out that you’re right that the DS tests can be up to 90% accurate. But that’s also with a combination of tests including one of two tests that are dangerous in themselves. Amniocentesis can cause loss of life 1% of the time and CVS 2%. Handcaps can also be caused. So, ya know, at least you know the kid isn’t DS but he might not be able to walk.
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I don’t oppose people who get the ultra sound testing whatsoever. I just hope people take the results with a grain of salt and realize that more people than not abort. Oh, and half of people who aborted said they wouldn’t have if their doctors had told them more about life with a DS baby. I do think that testing for spina bifida can be beneficial. And the risk taken to repair a child’s back
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in utero can be well worth it. It would still be a very difficult decision to make however. I didn’t find info about parents who ONLY had the ultra sound testing done; that would also be interesting to me. Again, I don’t think it’s wrong to have the test done. It just has to be taken lightly. I mean, if it comes out that the child has a likelihood for DS would the mother get the higher risk
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test done to find out with up to 90% accuracy? When it can possibly abort or injure the child? Even a child who might not have had DS to begin with? How many mothers who are told their child might have DS from a doctor who pushes abortion and doesn’t give good info about life with a DS child will be able to say no to it? It’s really tough stuff.
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