What if I was good to you?

First of all thanks for all the well wishes and such regarding Justin, I appreicate it.

I mentioned the other day feeling a bit blah, well I still feel blah.  A bit ahcy and the glands in my neck..whatever they are called that swell up when you have a sore throat, are swollen.  Actually only the left one is swollen, feels like a bruised knot.  ::sigh::

The paycheck for this week is really going to suck.  I’ve missed quite a bit of work this week.  I havent gotten to work until nearly 9 the past 2 days because traffic has been a nightmare, plus I took a long lunch yesterday and half a day off on Monday to visit my froggie.  So, its gonna be pretty small.

Dont worry, guys, this is the last time I plan on mentioning him.  Crap, now I forgot what I was going to say.  Maybe that just means I shouldnt say anything at all.  All I can remember was I was going to say something like….I wonder how many people in his real life are aware of me, IF any, then to what extent?  Wish I could remember the rest….oh well though I guess.  Last night I couldnt fall asleep, my mind was running crazy with thoughts, I cried a bit more….simply because it seems like everyone only wants me around when they are needy or desperate.  Ahh…there we go, thats what I was going to say.  Many many times I’ve questioned his intentions.  I wondered if he was only interested in me because I was the only one interested in him.  Or something to that effect.  Im a last resort, if no one else wants him then he’d pick me, just so he wouldnt have to be lonely and such.  Make any sense?  I’ve had similar thoughts for the longest time.  Sometimes it seems like he’s only interested in me when he’s needy on some level.

That got me thinking about EVERYONE else in my life…..I’ve realized that its a patteren with people in my life.  They only call on me when they cant find anyone else better etc.  When they are desperate and needy.  When no one else will give them the attention they crave.  They know Kim will always be there to give them that…..I’m stupid enough to allow it.

Anyways, I redid my diary, anyone notice?  I was getting tired of all that old clutter.  Now its pretty well just plain and simple…any thoughts on it??

Rob Thomas~Lonely No More

Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
But words are only words
Can you show me something else

Can you swear to me that you’ll always be this way?
Show me how you feel
More than ever baby

Well I don’t want to be lonely no more
I don’t want to have to pay for this
I don’t want another lover at my door
It’s just another heartache on my list

I don’t wanna be angry no more
You’re the one who could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don’t wanna be lonely anymore

Ooooh Oooooh Oooooh Ooooh
Now it’s hard for me
When my heart’s still on the mend
Open up to me
Like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me
And it’s harmony
Girl what you do to me is everything
Let me say anything just to get you back again
Why can’t we just try?

I don’t want to be lonely no more
I don’t want to have to pay for this
I don’t want another lover at my door
It’s just another heartache on my list

I don’t wanna be angry no more
You’re the one who could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don’t wanna be lonely anymore

Ooooh Oooooh Oooooh Ooooh

What if I was good to you?

What if you were good to me?
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me?
What if it was paradise?
What if we were symphonies?
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you?

I don’t want to be lonely no more
I don’t want to have to pay for this
I don’t want another lover at my door
It’s just another heartache on my list

I don’t wanna be angry no more
You’re the one who could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don’t wanna be lonely any more

Ooooh Oooooh Oooooh Ooooh

I don’t wanna be lonely any more
I don’t wanna be lonely no more
I don’t wanna be lonely no more
I don’t wanna be lonely any more