We’re fighting this war, baby

This isnt right, not at all.  I should NEVER EVER have to cry, beg, plead, bitch, moan and groan for my husband to want to come home to me, ECSPECIALLY not with the way he left things.  He’s in no hurry to get home to me and make things right with me, hes got better things to do right now.

We have had at least 2 decent conversations and I was starting to feel a bit better about some things.  He said to me just a bit ago that hes not in a hurry to get home and fight with me.  Why does it even have to be a fight?  Why cant he just come home to make things right, we dont have to fight.  Nope, doesnt want to.

When he left here he had no problems with leaving me and leaving things like they were. I asked him to talk to me before he left………he decided not to.  He was in too big of a hurry to get to New York and deal with what he had to deal with there then to even bother with me.  But hes not doing the same on the reverse side.  He wants to be there and see people, his dad wants him to go to dinner tonight etc etc and hes not willing to just up and leave them to come tend to the business here.  I told him that I understand he doesnt get to see them that often but him not going to dinner with his dad, instead just having a quick visit with his dad is not going to have an effect on his relationship with his dad.  Hes not at risk of loosing his dad because he doesnt go to dinner.  So why was it ok to up and leave me and not give me what I requested but its not ok to leave them and not give them what they request.

I looked up my options last night in regards to legal seperation and divorce.  Texas does not have legal seperation so it looks like it would have to be divorce.

I should not have to feel like I have been thrown out like the  trash, like I am a burden for him, like its wrong for me to be hurt and upset right now.  I shouldn t have to feel like I am not a priority, like making things right with me is not a priority.

Like I said, I know there are problems with us, problems that can be fixed and I am willing to do everything I can to fix the problems on my end.  But I dont deserve this.

He should have handled his business before he left, instead of running when things got to be too much for him to handle.  What happened to for better or for worse?

I’m done being pathetic and begging and pleading with him.  Im not going to be the only one hurting, Im not going to be the only one fighting and Im tried of feeling like the fool.

Honestly, at this point if he was really that worried about doing everything that needs to be done then he would jump on it.  He would hurry and do what he needs to do there so that he can get back here that much faster………..instead of taking his precious time…….planning to get here sometime eventually……..thinking that will be ok……….that I will be ok with that, with waiting for him to finally decide to come home and make things right……….thinking that things will be ok.  Because they arent and I dont know that they can be at this point.