These twists and turns of fate

Mom had her weekly visit with dads doctor yesterday.  She had requested a copy of all the meds he is currently on so that she could send that in with the disability paperwork.  We all thought he was on maybe 4 or 5 drugs.  Pain meds, blood thinner, anxiety meds, nope, hes on 3 pages worth of meds.  Mom counted up the meds on the first page and there were 9, so Im guessing he is on any where from 25 – 30 drugs.  Thats just crazy.  What the hell for?  Maybe it is all the drugs still causing him to act the way he it is.

He was running a fever the last 2 nights in a row, they arent sure why.  They are changing his anxiety type meds to try to help with the anger.  They have changed his physical therapist, he did have a female.  He was very mean to her, he thought she was either me or my sister or my cousin and would be mean to her as if he were talking to us.  Refusing to do anything with her because she was disrespecting him by calling him by his first name instead of dad and things like that……..they have also noticed that he responds better to the males than he does the females.  Hes not as mean and aggressive and is willing to work with them so now he has a male therapist.

Because he has the sternal precautions from having his chest broken open for surgery and his anger he is behind where they would expect him to be at this point in the program.  So hopefully with the med change and therapist change he will start improving.  They are still looking at him moving to the post acute place on the 25th.

Thats 2 days before their 26th wedding anniversary.  This past year I had planned to throw them a 25th wedding anniversary party, but with planning my wedding and loosing my job it wasnt an option and I regret that now.  I regret it so much, I wish I would have done that!

Mom got his records from the hospital he entered the ER at, doesnt tell us which company manufactured the Heparin that was used on him.  But, Im working on investigating that a little more.  Trying to see if I can take what they have given us and figure it out from there.

Bailey wouldnt come out of her house this morning so I had to go check on her.  I would have LOVED to have seen puppies in there but I think she was just trying to stay out of the misty weather.  Its supposed to be nasty out today.  I know though that she is not due for at least another week.  Boy is she getting bigger by the day though.  Im excited.  Im more excited about her having babies than about me having my own……isnt that just sad.

I feel like such a terrible mother.  I wont say that Im not happy about the baby, but I will say that I feel like Im not ready and that is taking a bit of the joy away.  I always thought that when I did get pregnant I would be so over the moon and just all that giddy stuff, but Im not.  I dont regret her, not at all, I just dont think Im ready.  I mean a part of me is excited and happy but its over ruled by the not ready part of me.  Maybe Im just nervous about what the future holds.  I enjoy it being just me and Stephen, I wish we had more us time before babies start coming……things will never be the same again.  I guess in a way Im kind of mourning the loss of my relationship as I know it instead of focusing on the new changes occuring in our lives.  It will never be just us again, it will be us and the kids from now on.  Ugh, Im just so torn.

My meeting with the owner of the company is set for tomorrow morning.  Turns out my co-workers volunteered me, my boss didnt pick me.  Which in a way bums me out but quite honestly, I am the better choice for the meeting out of all of us.  I have the most knowledge regarding the new database and how it works and such.  Im just nervous.

Ok, thats enough for a lazy Thursday morning!  Enjoy yourself!!

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