Someone can see, even when we can’t

Has it really been that long since I’ve been here? Wow, time flies. Recap time I suppose. Lets see if I can remember most things.

First and foremost, I just want to say how thankful I am. Thankful that things didn’t turn out much worse.

Ok, so where I left off was right after my FIL and BIL visited. We had a nice visit with them, wish they could have stayed longer. Were planning a trip up to NY in June towards the end of the month for my BIL’s high school graduation.

Stephen has been working hard on his rotations/clinicals to finish up his paramedic, so we hardly see him these days. Sacrifice right?!?!

The kids and I are doing good. Brooke was student of the month in February, so proud of her.

I don’t know if I mentioned this but I have been having back problems really bad the last few years. I went for an x-ray and an MRI back in November and they want to me to see a spinal surgeon to discuss options. Long story short, I do not have medical insurance and its VERY hard to find a Dr. that I can see that wont be too costly. So I am still waiting. The Dr. put me on some pain meds but they would knock me out and so I could only take them at bedtime. That didn’t help much for the pain I had during the day. I also started to notice that I was just in a terrible mood and I couldn’t shake it. I had a very short fuse, shorter than usual. I couldn’t be bothered with people, the world, much less the act of actually having to breathe was starting to annoy me. So I stopped taking the meds and I feel much better mood wise.

However, the back pain is still hanging around and it makes for a terrible time. I did my first 5k with mom over the weekend and I cannot even begin to describe how much pain it caused. I was out of commission that entire day and haven’t felt great since. Anyways, hoping I get this resolved soon.

So, now back to my original statement about being thankful.

Christmas Eve was spent at my moms. We got there and were starting to get everything ready to sit down for dinner. I was inside seeing what I could help with, all the kids were outside playing, and we asked Stephen to run back home for something. Brooke came in and asked me a question, I ushered her back out the door to play. The next thing I know Stephen comes busting down the door, Brooke in his arms screaming, and all I heard was "I just ran her over!" My heart sank, I literally thought I was going to be sick. He sat down, we checked her out, saw some bruising, a little blood, and decided to head out to the ER. She screamed most of the way. I tried to keep her leg elevated because letting it dangle would hurt her. They did x-rays of most every bone in her body and luckily nothing was broke. She had some bruising and slight swelling, they told us to be on the look out for signs of muscle damage. We left there feeling very blessed, so thankful that it wasn’t much worse, or even fatal.

 From what we can piece together, Stephen checked for kids before getting in the car, right after that is when I ushered her back out the door. She went to her favorite spot and started to dig in the dirt. My moms driveway is all dirt. There is a slight dip/groove in the dirt and Brooke likes to sit in it. We think that she was in it and therefore most of the weight of the car was transferred between the 2 edges of the groove and wasn’t fully on her. She was too low to the ground & slightly off to the side for the cars back up sensor to pick up on her or Stephen to see her. So many things played in our favor that day.

Stephen, of course, felt guilty and still does. He has really struggled with it. I tried to assure him that he’s a great father, he didn’t do it on purpose, and instead of focusing on what happened, lets focus on what didn’t happen and be grateful that we would wake up to her smiling happy face on Christmas morning, instead of in a hospital or worse.

It was a terrible accident and despite how sick I felt at first I remained very calm. I guess my motherly instinct knew that every thing was ok, even before the Dr told us it was. I spent most of my time smiling and telling Stephen and Brooke that it was ok.

Not a whole lot else is going on right now. Just living day to day. Trying to make it to tomorrow. Still struggling to keep our heads above water but our hearts are happy, that’s the important part.

Be back soon, I hope.