So once again we wind up in each other’s arms

  Well, let’s see, Friday night I went to Marks.  When I got there Scott was there.  Mark had said he might show up which is fine, I like Scott.  Infact, I put myself into flirt mode.  Now this guy is much older, I’m not sure of his exact age, but I can tell you that he has a son in college, been married twice and was at some concert in ’85 when I was only 2.  So, I think he’s close to my parents age, but he’s cute and cool.  I am attracted/was attracted to him.  So, like I said, I turned on my charm and before long he was responding to me.  At first it was ok, I wanted him in the worst way, but as soon as he started to respond to me I started feeling gross about him.  Like eww he’s old, and damn he’s a nerd and what he just did/said was kinda stupid.  So after he started responding I was totally turned off.  I’ve noticed this about me more than once with more than one different guy.  I think its because I enjoy the teasing, I love seeing if I can pull them in.  It’s a bit twisted I know but I guess it’s a fun little game I play.  "Lets see who I can suck in today"  Am I explaining this very well?  I like to see if I can gain control and toy with them a bit.  Wrong of me? Perhaps.  I know I dont like people playing games with me.  So it’s unfair for me to do it with others.  But I NEVER tried to lead him on and insinuate that things would go further.  I just flirted a bit.  Harmless flirting.  Honestly!  Anyways, I watched them play pool and we played a bit of poker.  We each kick ass at certain things.  Scott runs the pool table most of the time, Mark usually wins Texas Hold ‘Em and I usually win 5 Card.  We had fun, it was nice.  Heather didnt show up this time, thank goodness. 

Saturday was Justin’s birthday party.  Went pretty swell. He stayed the night at our house Friday night so Kris could get ready for the party the next day and such.  So I kept him Saturday and got him ready to go party.  He got lots of winter clothes which he needed bad and a few toys.  He got cake all over himself.  He was too cute.   Afterwards me, mom, nana, Kris and Justin were supposed to go to the holiday party at the zoo but we didnt.  Froggie was sick (has been all week) plus it didnt appear that Nana or Kris really wanted to go and I didnt want to make them.  Although they said it was fine, they would go, I got the feeling they didnt want to and I didnt want to burden them.  So we hung out at Kris’ for a while.  I bought froggie some DVD’s one of them was "Is your Mama a Llama"  He sat on the couch between me and Nana and his eyes never left the screen while we were watching that.  WHOO HOO go me I did a good thing.    I went home and went to bed, I was tired.  I didnt get home from Marks until 2 and then when I did get home I went and got froggie from mom and dads room.  I had heard him making noise so I went to check on him and he was awake, he came with me to my room.  Since he didnt feel good he didnt want to sleep.  Finally around 3:30 I took him back to mom so I could get some kinda rest.  Around 7 I woke up and went and got him again so mom could rest a bit.  So by the time I got home from the party I was wore out.  I went to sleep by 9.  Phone rings.  It’s Joseph.  He wants me to come meet him at this bar.  I refuse.  Ask him if he thinks we should stop all this.  He says no.  I tell him to give me 3 damn good reasons why and he couldnt come up with good ones.  We said our goodbyes.  I went back to sleep.

At around 10 I hear a knock on my door, I jump up still half asleep thinking it came from my window.  It was actually my brother at my door.  Went back to sleep. Around 1:30 there is a knock on my window.  I open it, there he is.  I let him in.  Over and over again he asks me whats wrong I say nothing, he asks why I dont call, "just cause"  "Come here" "I’m here" "Closer" blah, he wants to hold me.  Damn it Kim, be strong.  He rolls over "since nothings going to happen lets just go to sleep, goodnight baby"  By now I’m wide awake, I turn on the tv and he falls asleep.  Blah, I’m a bit horny so I turn off the tv and reach for his goods, waking him up.  "I’m not pulling out"  HA!  Werent you the bastard who said I WAS trying to get YOU to get me pregnant??  Werent you the bastard who also said you werent fking me anymore…..what the fk are you doing with your dick between my legs then asshole??  I sure in the fk didnt invite you over.  YOU CAME TO ME!!!  Eventually he lays down, his face in my neck, his limp dick still in me.  I ask if hes falling asleep "No, I’m just relaxing"  About 5-10 minutes later I hear him snoring into my neck.  I wake him up enough to get him off of me.  Watch more TV and watch him sleep.  He has a hard time breathing in his sleep.  He gasps hard for air.  I wonder if he will eventually die from that?!?!?!  Anyways, I ask him for more sex but he is sleeping and does not hear me.  I set the alarm and go back to sleep.  The next morning I ask for more sex again, this time he is awake and responds to my request.  My thoughts wandered, and were no longer of him.  He entered me from behind as we laid there.  It felt nice but I knew I wouldnt cum, so I got up on all 4’s and invited him to enter me yet again.  Since Nana was across the hall and dad was awake we had to be quiet.  I worked my swollen clit in rythm with his dick as it slid in and out of me.  As I came I whispered "Fuck me" and with that he began to work it deep and hard in a quick fashion just as he knows I like it.  Soon he was pouring himself into me as well.  We fell on the bed, spent.  Caught our breath got dressed and I took him home.  The drive to his house was pleasent as usual.  I really need to stop all of it though.  I swore I’d be strong this last time.  Why the hell am I soooo fking weak.  I was being strong, until he showed up.  DAMN HIM!

Sunday I laid around and did much of nothing.  Kris, Billy and Justin were at the house.  Froggie wanted his little box of toys, so Kris got it for him.  I had put the CDs I bought him in the box, he grabbed one and went to Kris.  He thought it was a book.  He handed it to her to read and when she didnt, he grabbed it back and came to me.  Handed it to me to read, so I told mom to give me a book, I put him on my lap and read to him.  I read it three times.  When I put him on the floor again he got angry and started throwing a fit, I read it again, then gave it back.  He took it to his mom so she could read it, she got 2 the second page and he starte

d hollering.  "You dont like the way I read it"  He ran away and found something else to do.  He’s been riding his little power wheels 4 wheeler all over the place.  He can make it go on his own, has been able to do that for about 2 months.  He’s only 11 months old, its a little button he has to push, I’m telling you guys, he’s gonna be a fking genius.  I LOVE HIM!  Later that night I started to clean my room. I started at 8, by 11 I decided it was time to call it quits.

I hung my jack daniels shot glass collection up.  That took forever and a day, I couldnt get the damn nail in the right spot.  Anywho, I rearranged photos on my rolltop and such, and on top of my cedar chest.  I’m nearly done with my room thank goodness.  I put some presents in boxes, just need to wrap them.  We are doing Christmas with Nana on the 14th, she is going to Albq. to visit Aunt K for a few weeks, I have to take her to the airport on the 15th, so I think I’m going to take that entire day off if I can.  I get to use her car while she is outta town so that will be nice.  Man, this entry is extra long.

I came in today to find my 6 month evaluation on my desk, I’m going to post that in the next entry.  My boss keeps saying I’m afraid to make phone calls and such, I’m not, the reason I get grumpy and such about doing it is because they are phone calls HE is supposed to make.  If I’m in the middle of something and he is feeling lazy but needs a phone call made, he will come in here and tell me to make it.  I dont know what the hell he wants me to tell them, so I try to piece it together and tell them in a round about way what he needs and such.  I’ts just aggravating.  Anywho, I’ll post that plus I got a raise.  WHOO FKING HOO.  I deserve more fking money.  Debbie might be coming in more often, which means more time for me to twirl my thumbs and sit here on my ass.  He just came in here and said she could do this and that because we are slacking on those things.  Umm no I’m not slacking on entering the info into the report dumbass, I keep up with that damn good so I dunno what the fk you are talking about.  He also mentioned the filing, he said he could very easily make the copies when he closes the file, well no shit sherlock, and you can put the shit back up too while youre at it.  I’ve been thinking that for a while but just havent had balls enough to tell him yet.  He blames it on me that it’s not done. Well hello I’ve got other shit I have to do first.  He can kiss my big fat white ass.  I need a new fking job.

Ok, I think I shall close this entry now, its too damn long!!  TATA all, hope your weekend was well!

LeAnn Womack~I may hate myself in the morning

Ain’t it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks
And say ”How’ve you been and I’ve been wonderin’ that maybe you’ve been thinkin’ ’bout me?”
And somewhere in the conversation, an old familiar invitation always arrives
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I’m gonna love you tonight.

Everyone’s known someone that they just can’t help but want
And even though we just can’t make it work out, well the want-to lingers on.
So once again we wind up in each other’s arms, pretending that it’s right
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I’m gonna love you tonight.

I know it’s wrong,
But it ain’t easy moving on.
So why can’t two friends remember the good times once again?

Tomorrow when I wake up, I’ll be feeling a little guilty, a little sad.
Thinkin’ how it used to be before everything went bad.
I guess that’s what it is and lonely, late night calls like this that we try to find
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I’m gonna love you tonight.
And I may hate myself in the morning,
But I’m gonna love you tonight…