So much to say….

Its 7:20, Ive been in the office for 20 minutes but the doors were locked to my area so I couldn’t get to my desk, finally someone told me I could go in through a door at the end of the hallway and walk around….I didn’t realize that door was unlocked or that it even went through.  I knew about the door on the other end of the hallway, which is usually the one I use if my end is locked, but this morning it wasn’t open.  I was really starting to get irritated.  But, now I know for next time, I can try either door and work my way around.

When I first came to work here they really didn’t show me around, the break room and vending machine are on the 4th floor, which is where I am now.  I used to work in the 2nd floor.  All they did was show me to my cube on my first day.  So finally about a week ago I went adventuring and FINALLY found the break room.  A month or so ago I found the vending machine but it took me forever to figure out how to use it……it’s a dumb machine, not one like Ive ever seen before so I don’t hardly ever use it.  Besides, sodas are 60 cents and you have to have exact change of 2 quarters and a dime or else it wont work.  You’d have to see it to understand.  Anyways, a week or so ago I finally found the break room……after having been here for a year already.  How stupid is that!  They could have at least showed me around, but nooooooo.  So most of the time I feel like an idiot.

Tomorrow is our BIG ultrasound.  Dunno if Im coming back to work after it or not.  Stephen doesn’t want me to, he says its our last valentines day alone and our first one as a married couple so he wants me to spend the afternoon with him.  Our appointment is at 11.  I had originally planned to come back afterwards, but I dunno now.  I got here 2 hours early today, gonna try to do that the rest of the week so HOPEFULLY I can make up the hours I might miss for the appointment.  Besides, Id MUCH rather spend the afternoon with my husband than here at stupid work!!

Anyways, it’s the big ultra sound, where we make sure everything is in its proper place.  All arms and legs, internal organs have transferred nicely from the umbilical cord to the babys abdomen, brain looks good……and……what it has between its legs.  We are both so torn on if we want to find out or not.  We are supposed to discuss it tonight and probably will be discussing it up until the moment of truth. I am anxious to know but on the same note I really wanna be surprised.  Such a hard choice!

I was supposed to be up at 4:15 this morning to get ready and pick mom up at 4:45 so we could be at the hospital for the 6 am visit and I could get to work early.  Well, alarm went off, I thought I hit snooze, apparently I turned it off.  I thought I would wait until the next snooze then get up, when you are pregnant they tell you not to jump right out of bed, to give yourself a few minutes, or else you could end up getting sick.  So that’s what I was trying to accomplish, I drifted back off to sleep and started dreaming that it was 5:30 and I was late to get mom, that’s when I opened my eyes and saw it was 4:59 and I still needed to shower and such.  It takes us 45 minutes to an hour to get to the hospital……so I was rushing……got mom around 5:20 and was at the hospital at 6:15, so we missed 15 minutes of our visiting time.  Visiting time only last 20 minutes……we stayed for about 10.

Dad was doing alright….hes dying of thirst.  He hasn’t had anything to drink in a month, he has really bad cotton mouth, so when we can we wet a sponge and give it to him.  They have these little green sponges on a stick just for that reason.  He isn’t able to have anything else until he passes the swallow test and whatever he swallows doesn’t go into his lungs.  Poor dad, he has been begging for root beer and iced tea.  Oh and he wants some ice cream too.  The nurse said yesterday that they might do the swallow test today.  I really hope so.

But, we were on such a high that everything was too good to be true and I just had a feeling that something was bound to happen.  Last night when we visited his blood pressure was VERY low.  Its been pretty high and they’ve been working on keeping it down, that was part of the reason they kept him sedated for 2 weeks.  Anyways, mom was concerned, she asked about it, but we assumed it was just because he was asleep and very relaxed.  Turns out they had to give him some meds to help get it back up to a normal level.  On top of that he is saying his wrist is broken, they have had his good arm tied down because he was trying to pull his catheter out.  So he could have just very easily sprained it or something from jerking on it….either way, he tried to bend it and couldn’t, I touched it and he nearly cried and it looks swollen.  We pointed it out to the nurse, shes supposed to look into it.  Dad says its from when they try to lift him into his chair, they arent very gentle with him he says and that’s how it got hurt.  I dunno, but I hope it’s not broken.  That’s not the end of it….they had him on that blood thinner that caused all those cl

ots, it took a few weeks for the clots to show up and that’s when they decided to switch him to another blood thinner.  The side effect of which is bleeding.  Every morning they come by at 4 am and take his blood to measure his levels to see where he is at and how much closer he is to getting off the IV drip and pill form of the blood thinner that he needs.  This morning his hemoglobin was really low, so they are supposed to come back at 8 to test his blood again.  Mom asked what might cause that and the nurse said bleeding…..then she said they don’t see any bleeding so they have to check it again to make sure.  Which could only mean one other thing…..he is bleeding internally.  My guess is since it took a week or so for the side effects of the other blood thinner to show up the same thing has happened, it has taken a few weeks for him to start bleeding.  If he is bleeding I don’t know whats going to happen.  My guess is that he wont be going to rehab as soon as we had hoped.  This is so damn stupid, why give him thinners that could potentially kill him!?!?!?!  Why don’t they have another method?!?!?!?  See, its always one thing right after the other….every time we turn around something new is happening.  Its so frustrating…..I wish I could turn back time.  I wish this were all just a dream and I was waking up right about now.  I hate this.

And all he wants to do is get up and walk out of there.  He gets frustrated and emotional with us because we wont help him do that.  Makes us all feel so guilty and like shit because he thinks we arent trying to help him get out of there.

Life truly is a bitch!

 

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