Snip Snip

I took Bailey yesterday to get fixed.  Almost didnt happen, thank goodness there are still nice people in this world!!  She is doing good, just kinda laying around.  I think she felt a bit better this morning thats for sure.  I’m glad I was able to get it done before I leave for NY, now I dont have to worry about any more puppies from her!!!  Next is getting Lucy fixed and then maybe we will talk about getting Mr.
Houdini fixed as he has started to prowl a bit for the sexy little momma kitties around the neighborhood!!!

Brooke is sitting here next to me in her highchair finishing up her breakfast and doing a bit of talking.  She is so precious.  I am so grateful for my gorgeous baby girl.  She cracks me up on a daily basis.  Shes such a little diva and its so funny.  I think she is going to grow up and be a very independant opinionated little girl.  Ha, I say grow up but finish the sentence with little girl, perhaps thats because she will ALWAYS be my  LITTLE girl!!  Ok, she was done so I took her out and put her on the floor, give her a few minutes and she will start pulling everything off the bookshelf.   She has started this new thing when she gets excited or happy about something…she tilts her head back and scrunches up her nose and eyes, as you can kinda see in one of the pics on the previous entry.  Its too cute and it really cracks me up.  Last night I discovered a new tooth has broke through a bit.  Its on the top, the one right next to her front left tooth.  That makes 3 thus far.  Ok, there goes the bookshelf!!

My poor Stephen, all he does is work work work.  I feel so guilty.  He shouldnt have to do that!  He works his ass off and we are still barely getting by.  Im grateful that he does it, that I get to stay home with Brooke but I feel so damn guilty.  It shouldnt be all on his shoulders.  I caught myself watching him the other day……in awe……..something I realized I havent done in a LONG time.  I used to sit there and ALWAYS do it but over the last few weeks Ive caught myself doing it on more than one occasion.  I like it…….I like admiring him, hes def worth admiring.  I wouldnt trade him for the world!!!  Apparently he spent the other day at work reading old entries in my diary.  From back when we first started dating.  So he came home telling me about funny things I had written and such.  If I had the time Id go back and read them myself.

Dad isnt making any progress accordig to mom.  I havent spent any time with him since he went back.  I still cant find the desire in my heart to do so.  Im still angry about how things went when he was home, angry that he is the way he is, angry that he has given up on himself.  Im so damn angry about alot of things.  Most of all Im just sad and depressed, I wish it had never happened.  He’s missing out on so much in his life right now and hes pretty much oblivious to it all.  I think that spending time with him right now will just make things worse for me.   I still havent accepted it all in full yet.  I still have that fight mentality and want to fight to get him better, but he has given up and has no desire to better himself, seeing that would just frustrate me.  Besides, I dont know that he even cares to see me yet.  As far as I know I’m still "the witch" and out to get him. I also know that in an instant something could happen and I will forever be angry with myself and regret not spending time with him.  Im so damn torn.

So, I leave for NY in about 5 days……..Im still nervous as hell.  On top of that what am I going to do the whole time???  Stephen wont be there, his family will be at work/school/sleeping………so I will just be bored and stuck in the house.  I could always try to venture out on my own……..if I knew how………or where to go…….or better yet how to get back.  We shall see.  Anyways, I gotta go see about getting pictures ordered for his family.  Bye bye guys!!