Slight change in plans….

From my MySpace….

It seems Brooke may be making her grand entrance a little earlier than expected.  Right now Im not sure how much earlier.

The doc called this afternoon with test restults and with the notes from the specialist I went to see.  Together they have determined that I do have pre-eclampsia.  That sure is a scary word.  My heart sunk in that moment.  I know that things could and I believe they will be ok, but I still know in the back of my mind what could happen to either me or her.  That scares me.

So, I had to go to the hospital to endure a steriod shot to help her lungs develop a little faster, get some blood work done and I am now doing another 24 hour urine test.  I still have my appointment with the doc tomorrow and have to go back to the hospital for another shot of steriod.  He did say I am now on permanent bed rest (blah!!) and Im creating a list of questions to ask him.

I swear, driving to that hospital this afternoon was the slowest Ive ever driven in my life.  Im usually a pretty aggressive driver but today I just didnt want to EVER make it to the hospital. I tried not to cry but that didnt work too well.  I was a complete mess on the drive over.  Stephen was at work so I had planned to ask Rachel if she would at least sit with me for the shot.  Turns out Stephen left work and met me at the hospital so I had not only him there but also Rachel (thanks by the way).  I needed someone there, even if I had to endure the shot alone I still needed someone at that very moment, I really didnt want to be alone.  Thank goodness I didnt have to be.

So, thats where we stand right now.  The doc prescribed a blood pressure med, hopefully that will help.  My BP was up to 150 over who knows what when they took it at the hospital.  I took it again at CVS 2 hours later and it was 141/82, which still isnt good.  Ive had a headache all day which is explained by the high blood pressure.

Right now my main concern is her……I REALLY would LOVE to go term but honestly, right now, I dont know how likely that is and that scares the holy shit out of me.  I have faith that she will be fine……but I also had faith my dad would be fine.  My last words to him as he was taken away were "Have fun!"  today he calls me crying that he is lonely from a stupid rehab facility.  Thats not how it was supposed to happen.  His proceedure was routine…….and honestly this proceedure is fairly common, although pretty serious, and most are ok……..but theres that slight chance anything can go wrong.  How will I deal with that?

Then theres the concern for myself……this can cause so many complications for me alone with her coming out just fine.  And that scares me too. 

Lastly, how are we going to survive financially without me working???  Its just not possible.

So many thoughts going through my head right now……..but honestly…….each little wiggle I feel, each gigantic kick brings a sigh of relief. 

I know in the end it will all be just fine.