On the upside…..

Dad is doing better now, physically.  Emotionally and mentally not so much.

He is awake now, has been for a few days.  They put a cap thing on his trach so he is able to speak to us.  However, its been more of an upsetting thing than a blessing.  He has been very ugly.

He tells us we are no good, he doesnt want us there, that we make him the way he is – angry and such.  All these hateful things and our feelings are getting hurt.  We are to the point of we dont even care to go see him if he is just going to be nasty.  This was mostly on Saturday.

He is also talking very crazy.  My grandma did the same thing after her stroke, she talked crazy.  Dad is talking about being on planes, monkeys and pigs hanging from the curtains, talking to a cat who peed on the man in the bed next to him.  Just crazy stuff.  Has us worried what the future might hold.

Last night Stephen and I went to visit at the 6pm visit.  I really felt like I should stay for one more visit so we stayed for the 8pm as well.  Im so glad we did.  I felt so much better walking out of there, other than the guilt of leaving him.  I feel like we had a good visit.  He was emotional, I was trying not to be.  Hes afraid hes going to die, is upset with how he is now, and I tried to explain to him that we are just glad he is here, that his heart is looking great and he is doing great.  I asked why he was being so mean to us, especially my mom, he paused for a moment then said he was just being hard headed.  I had said from the start he was probably just being ugly to us because he doesnt want us to see him like that……which now I think its 100% true. He did say that we shouldnt be seeing him look like that, as sick as he is.

He called me by my nickname last night….that felt nice, I was soooo glad to hear that.  So, his memory is there, he’s proven that time and time again, but his mind is a little off.

I am doing better than expected with it all.  I guess Im a stronger person than I thought I was.  Ive had my moments where Ive broken down and felt so hopeless……but the majority of the time Im staying positive about it all.

I know he will get past this….I know he will.

We are waiting on his lungs to clear up before they move him out of the CVICU, they have him 100% off the vent which is a wonderful thing.  All we need is that phlem out of his lungs and we are good to go.

Hes being stubborn and hard headed about doing his physical therapy now…..so thats going to have to be something that we work hard with him on.  Its probably going to be a huge battle for us.

So, the dad news is good news.

What did I do this weekend……Saturday not a whole lot of anything.  I really need to clean my house, I keep saying that but I still cant find the motivation to get it done.  What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!  I dont WANT to live in a pig stye but everytime I start to think about cleaning I just feel BLAH.  I’m feeling very drained…..maybe thats it.

Sunday we painted Piglets room.  Well, we started to.  We ran out of painters tape to finish putting on the trim along the ceiling and such.  Its probably going to need a second coat of paint, but it looks nice.  I looked at it last night and it almost looks like the Tiffany Blue color……but not quite.  I joked with Stephen that we could do an entire Tiffany’s theme in the room…..but I guess that would totally suck if Piglet came out with a little piggie, I dont think he would appreciate the Tiffany theme.

I forgot to tell my sister last night at the hospital that she needs to come get the last of her stuff from my house, its now sitting in my hallway, so I will HAVE TO remember to tell her tonight.

I guess I dont really have much else to report on for the time being.

Oh, one other thing…..I love my amazing husband very very much!  Thats all!

 

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