On the Up and Up

So, I felt Brooke for the first time this weekend.  It was awesome.  Friday night, home alone, I was brave enough to break out the Bebesounds device and start talking to her.  Before I knew it I had this weird sensation in my tummy and I could see the contraption on my belly litterally moving with each sensation.  I was able to hear her kick before but never actually feel it or see it.  So, I moved the listening device away, placed my hand in its place and spoke her name again.  I felt her litterally roll under my hand.  Or at least thats what it felt like.  She was kicking up a storm.  Ofcourse when Stephen was home and I tried to show him she was being stubborn.  She never did kick that intensly again for me.  Well, at least not when Stephen was around.

It was exciting for me, but more of a relief.  I have been worried this entire pregnancy that something was going to go wrong.  But, each time I see her during the ultra sound I feel a little bit better.  I knew for sure that actually feeling her would be my ultimate relief and it honestly was.  Now I KNOW she is ok in there.  I fought back tears, my emotional self cries over everything, but it was a wonderful moment for me.  I was finally able to exhale, Ive been holding that breath in since I first found out.  Ive also had the itch to buy something for her for a while now, just a little outfit or something, but in the back of my mind I wasnt quite sure because I wasnt sure how things would turn out.  Well, on Sunday I got her 2 outfits and a shirt, I didnt hesitate this time, I felt SO much better and actually felt like it was ok for me to buy her something.

As far as Stephen, I dunno what to think.  Sometimes I get the feeling he is excited and happy this is happening but most times I just wonder.  He doesnt seem that interested in things, that thrilled, he just is mostly like "whatever".  It honestly hurts my feelings and Ive touched on that with him.  I just dont know what to think.  I dont know what he is thinking and it freaks me out.  Its not like I planned for this to happen so soon, Im not ready for it – not by a long shot, nor do I know how we are going to survive once she gets here.  I have faith that everything will work itself out, Im nervous and afraid just like he is, but he just makes me feel…….I dunno.  I get the feeling that he really doesnt want this but he is trying to be supportive.  Honestly, its his reactions to things that have me less excited than I could be.  I see the look on his face when I try to tell him something or show him something and it just bums me out.  This whole weekend, every time I felt her move, I didnt even know if I should mention it to him, I didnt know if he cared to know.  Ugh, Im getting all emotional now, I should probably stop this since Im at work, dont wanna upset myself.

BTW, it didnt feel like "flutters" like everyone said it would.  It felt like a strange gas bubble moving around in my stomach.  It actually felt unnatural to me and made me feel uneasy.

So…….what else is going on.  Dad…….he’s moving his paralyzed leg.  Which is an AWESOME thing.  Im hoping he keeps making progress.

I didnt get my house cleaned like I had planned this weekend.  I got my living room done and some of the laundry.  Im really disappointed, I had to fight myself to stay in bed longer Sunday morning, at 6:30 I was feeling the strong urge to get up and at least get a load of laundry put in.  Im tired of my house being a mess.  I wanna clean it and keep it clean.

Still no puppies yet, although I got nervous yesterday when I didnt see mommy around.  I know they arent due for at least another week or so.  Im anxious.

Alrighty, time to get back to work….hope you had a great weekend.

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