Lifes Challenges

Everything with mom is alright.  The dr said no signs of any heart damage or heart attack but he does want to do a stress test on her.

Dad is having surgery to repair his torn ACL on Thurs.  He is supposed to be going back into rehab after that.  Mom told him that if he isnt able to do more for himself after that then he is going straight to a home.  I ended up slapping him yesterday.  I knocked the hell outta him, and then I cried.  I dont ever remember hitting my dad before and thats something I never wanted to do in my entire life.  Everything just got to be to be too much, everything WAS too much for me at that moment.  I was in his face yelling at him and telling him how tired I am of all of his bullshit, yelling, cussing, calling names and talking shit, tired of it all.  So, he has had a better attitude since then, infact he wasnt up all night yelling he actually slept for a night.  Today he was nicer to me and I apologized for hitting him.  Maybe this was a turning point for us.

Now, the terrible news, devestating news.  My aunt called a week or so ago because my cousins baby isnt holding his head up or focusing on things with his eyes, he wont even look at them.  He is a week younger than my nephew so she called to compare my nephews development at this point to his.  Today my cousin and my aunt were told he is blind and there is nothing they can do about it.  Apparently the muscles behind his eyes didnt develop in the womb and therefor he cant see.  My heart is aching for them.  At that moment I was sooooo thankful for the baby I have, the things I get to experince with her and the things she will get to experience that baby Joshua never will.  He will never even know what his mommys smile looks like.  They are going to experience life as mother and child in an entirely different way than Brooke and I will.  In a way Im heartbroken but on the same note, I know that its not the end of the world and Joshua can still live a full and satisfying life.  Its just devestating news and Im so grateful that Brooke is healthy.  By the time Joshua is 10 maybe they will have developed something that will give him sight.  Time will tell.