Lie to me, Manipulate me, Just the way I like it!

So, I told mom about it, the entire way home.  She agreed with me that I dont act inapproriate around Billy.  Well, we decided I should talk to Joseph again to make sure he wasnt lying before I said anything to Kris about it.  I got home and John and I were talking.   I mentioned to him the situation "Billy wants to have sex with me" "I know"  I was shocked, how the hell did he know.  So he told me that the other night while Joseph was at the house, Joseph said "I want to have sex with your sister"  Then he said Billy said "Me too, both of them"  Well, that’s when I decided I should say something.  If my brother and Joseph said that, plus hes made comments around me, then it must be true right?  I got Bily alone and told him that I knew about the things he was saying and if they were true we needed to sit down and talk to Kris.  He automatically jumped my ass and I asked him why, why was he getting so defensive.  Well hell, it really must be true, right?  So I went inside to tell Kris, thats when they both informed me that Joseph has been saying I wanted to sleep with Billy!  HOLD THE FK UP!!  NEVER HAVE I SAID THAT!!  Why did they wait until now to tell me that?  Why didnt they confront me sooner?  Were they just assuming it was right and were thinking bad things about me?  Kris got upset and said she gets uncomfortable when we even talk to each other.  I KNEW she would say something like that.  Honestly, I’m trying to prevent this shit.  Right then I felt as big as a speck of dirt.  Now I realize how much my sister hates me, how foolish I have been, how manipulated I have been, that I have been made to look this way infront of the world.  How could I be so dumb? 

Billy & I started yelling at each other and he said he was going to kick Josephs ass.  I grabbed my phone and my hand held voice recorder and called Joseph.  He went back and fourth with wether he was lying or not.  He said he does not remember saying that I said I wanted to fk Billy, and he eventually said that Billy did say that a while back and he didnt know if he was joking or not.  I let Billy listen and apologized to Billy, explaind that my name never needed to come up and such.  Billy said it was Joseph who said he wanted to fk both of us, and that he told Joseph he would have to take that up with Kris, but she might knock him out if he tried.  He said after this he wasnt going to talk to him anymore because he wasnt much of a friend.  We will see how long that works out.  Rest assured I’m done for good this time.  I know, I’m sounding like the boy who cried wolf, but this time, there really is a wolf!!

I’m hurt that Kris hates me that much.  I’m hurt that Joseph thinks he needs to do this to me.  I dont deserve it, I’ve been nothing but good to him, why does he need to do this to me?  I still think Billy is guilty of something, but I’m not angry with him, just with Joseph.  Also with myself for being so dumb. 

I couldnt hardly sleep last night.  I want to just run away.  Maybe it’s best if I move a bit away from here.  That way Kris does not have to hate me constantly, Joseph does not get a chance to humilate me, everyone lives peacefully.  It’s not fair that I should have to feel like the only way to make things better is to leave my family, but I do.  I know I made mistakes in the past.  Mistakes that no matter how much I explain myself, no one will fully understand why I did it.  I understand that it cannot be forgotten, but why cant I be forgiven and given a second chance?  I’m so sad.  Where will I go? Cost of living is too high in Austin, maybe Dallas, San Antonio.  ::shrugs:: I really need to figure something out, because I’m only hurting those I love by staying here.