Letting it all hang out…

 I didnt go to work yesterday, I wasnt feeling 100% on top of that, I wasnt happy with the way I had left the house.  I didnt even kiss him goodbye or tell him that I loved him. 

The night before last was pretty bad…….summary goes like this…..I was irritated, he again walked away from me and shut a door in my face, I took my pillow to another room.  He got drunk, ended up sick, slept on our bedroom floor and I slept in the other room.

I was feeling hopeless and scared, my marriage is barely a month old and already I was ready to walk away. 

Stephen doesnt drink……..but he drank that night and ended up drinking too much.  I was concerned about him and what he was doing so I did leave the bedroom door open and listened closely as he went about pissed off at everything.

When I heard him in the bathroom starting to get sick, I waited…after the 3rd time of him puking I got up to check……I got him a cool wet rag, asked what the hell he had done etc, then went and crawled back into bed.  I wasnt going to sit there and baby him and try to comfort him, althought that appeared to be what he wanted, just because he decided to do something stupid.

So, I didnt go to work yesterday and again…….it was a terrible day for us.  I had hoped to come home, make up and enjoy the day.  Didnt happen.  By the time he finally got back from all his errands around 4:30 I had to leave.  He had called at 1 and told me what he had left to do so I expected him home in an hour and a half, 3 hours later he showed up.  I was even more pissed because I was specifically waiting for him.  I left the house, again without a proper goodbye, and didnt come home for a few hours.  I went to get my truck inspected then went to the library.

When I got home he was in bed sleeping.  This pissed me off even more because dinner wasnt cooked.  On the drive home I had decided that we should sit down and talk calmly.  But when I got home I just got more pissed off.  I woke him up, threw some dinner together and told him we needed to talk.  Our talk soon became a semi heated yelling match.  In all honesty it felt good to yell and scream…….it felt good to get my anger and frustrations out.

By the time the night was over, my pillow was back on our bed and I was back in his arms.  Hopefully things will improve.  I dont want either of us to be miserable…….I want us to be happy and enjoy being each others BETTER half.

In other news we now have no hot water again.  Part of the hot water heater had melted previously, they came out and replaced some parts this weekend..  I told Stephen this week that the water wasnt feeling right again…..yesterday he said we had no hot water.  I checked it last night…….still no hot water, so I asked him to go inspect the hot water heater again just in case.  Last time it didnt trip the breaker, this time it did and it melted again, in a different place.  Thats enough of this……its too dangerous, it only takes a little bit and everything will be gone.  I want that hot water heater OUT of my house and Im going to refuse to allow them to just change parts this time.  Thats twice already in a matter of 2 weeks.  Somethings not right.

I’m not feeling well.  Mom asked me this morning if it was morning sickness, I told her "not that I know of".