Hamster Talk

So, Stephen and I worked things out.  I dont feel 100% ok with things, but I feel ALOT better. That was a VERY  long night.  When Rachel got home I told her what was up, we talked all the way until Stephen got home.  She was shocked by what I was telling her and pissed off at the same time.  So, I didnt get to just leave the letter.  Rachel and I were downstairs when he walked in, I dont think he knew we were in the kitchen, he knew I was upset and I guess he went upstairs to find me.  I waited a while then went upstairs.  He had found the letter.  Im not going to sit here and type out the entire play by play that would take too long.  I fought back tears like you wouldnt believe.  I didnt want to cry in front of him anymore.  Around 12:30ish I didnt know where I was going, I was just driving.  I had gas in the truck, 2 credit cards with enough money on them to last for a little while and I had a crap load of clothes and shit in the truck.  Just as I got on the freeway we started talking again.  I had called him a few times to tell him to go downstairs to lock the bottom lock but he wasnt answering.  So, he called me back.  Around 2ish I was back at his house.  I hope like fucking hell I did the right thing.  I hope like fucking hell it doesnt happen again.  I hope like fucking hell things change.  I hope like fucking hell Im not a fool.

I dont trust him right now.  Granted he didnt do anything.  Little things turn into big things and if he hides things now, he will only hide more shit later.  I dont trust him when Im not there during his idle time.  If thats what he does when he’s bored.  I want to trust him, it hurts so bad not to, but I dont. 

He’s planning a camping trip with his guy friends in NY soon.  Im very leery of that.  I dont want to be an anal bitch and tell him not to go but I know my stomach will be in knots the entire time hes gone.

I hate having to feel this way.

On to other news, we got a hamster Sunday. She’s too cute.  I’ll get pictures.  Shes a Chinese Dwarf so I thought we should name her some cute Chinese name, Stephen named her Hammy.  So then yesterday I get to Stephens house and find out Craig is going to go buy one now too.  I did a little research on them yesterday and found out that the females are the more aggressive.  2 males together do ok, but 2 females dont.  Also a true pair dont do well either, the female tends to bite off the males manly parts if you know what I mean.  Stephen and I had talked about seeing how we do with her then getting her a friend but when I read this I decided against it.  So after I tell them what I had read I asked Craig what kinda cage they were going to get, he told me they were just going to put it in our cage.  That kinda irked me.  So I said that I had just told them they are aggressive together but I told them I guess we could try it.  So we are all downstairs eating dinner, the hamsters are cruisin around in their balls or whatever, that was fun.  After dinner Im cleaning out our hamsters ball to take her back upstairs and Rachel asks Craig if he’s going to keep her clean, thats when Craig said that I was going to.  Ummm excuse me?!?!?!  Now Im really annoyed.  Number one I didnt want to put them together to start with because of the aggression, number 2 its your hamster not mine Im not responsible for it.  I played it cool though and went along with it.  I’ll be nice for now.  Last night the hamsters kinda got into it a little bit, but nothing too bad.  Now not only do I have one hamster keeping me up, now I have 2.  The first night our hamster was there, I made Stephen wake up and go close off the entrance to her wheel because she was making too much noise.  Anyways, food is expensive, so is the bedding.  Its not my responsibility to take care of theirs.  I can tell you I will get annoyed always having to clean up after it and such.  I will do it though, because Im nice like that.  The minute I have to start paying for everything though it will stop.  Im not paying for all the food and bedding.  I bought what we have now and they can buy it the next go round.  Only fair right?!?!?!  Its the least they can do since I am taking care of their hamster for them.  Anyways, Im just ranting, sorry.  I dont really mind, I just felt kinda imposed upon.  ::Shrugs::

We also got Stephen a fish tank Sunday.  He’s working on getting the tank balanced out before he goes and gets fish.  The grass in it glows in the dark.  Very cool!!

Today is only Tuesday, I want this week to be over already.

I miss him.

I really do hope I made the right choice.

I hope he is serious about the things he told me would change or stop.

Am I wrong for what I did?