Each night finds me dreamin’

 

 

 

 

I Want Off!!

Well, my new years sucked.  I left work shortly after I wrote that last entry.  I was hungover tooooo bad to stay here.  When I got home my brother told me I looked like shit.  I had to pull over on the way home because I thought I was going to puke. I didnt and I’m sure if I did I would have felt alot better.  Anywho….I didnt watch fireworks.  Instead I went to sleep.  We were going to pop some, but John made some sparkler bombs which pissed the folks off so dad started bitching and saying we werent allowed to pop anything else.  Kris & Billy loaded up all of their fireworks and went home…..this was around 8.  Everyone was pissed off at everyone and I just went to bed.  I got a call from Mark around 11:30.  I had been informed by John earlier that day that Mark was having a bit of a New Years party.  Well by the time I went to bed I was pissed that I hadnt heard from Mark or been invited.  So when he called I was like "It’s 30 minutes to midnight and youre JUST now calling me"  They passed the phone around and I had major ‘tude going on.  I talked to Mark, Buster and Jacob.  Jacob tried to tell me that they had tried calling me 3 or 4 times earlier to invite me…I told him the phone never rang.  Dunno if he was lying to me or not.  I ended up not going.  Fk them….they wanna wait until fking midnight to call me….fking bastards.  See what great friends we are!

Saturday I spent most of the day cleaning my room and laying in bed.  I took my brother to town to skate and I stopped by Josephs work to get my DL back.  I walked in and walked out.  "Got my license" "Yes ma’am"  "Thanks" "Youre welcome"  I turned to leave and felt his eyse burning a hole in me as I walked out.  He called out….."See ya later turd" I replied…."Bye" and that was it.  After that I couldnt stop thinking about him…..’ok one last time….then no more’  I was tempted to call him and ask if he wanted to fk…..but I kept putting the phone back down.  Later my brother called, I went to pick him up, on the way I wanted to stop by his work but talked myself outta it.  I get home and his work number is on the caller ID, I start to dial it back but then hang up.  I never called him that day.  Sunday he called.  I answered, he wanted Billy.  I was tempted again but talked myself outta it.  I took my brother to the mall and such……on the way out the neighborhood some little kid pointed a handgun at my car.  It was just a BB gun but pissed me off, I turned around and went back and yelled at him and told a friend of mine to make sure they didnt do it again.  The kid was the friend of a friend of mines little brother.  Anywho….what if I had been driving around 51 cards short of a full deck and saw someone pull a gun on me……just so happens I have a gun as well and I’m not thinking straight so I pull it out and end up blowing some little kids head off.  Officer, self defense he pointed a gun at me first.  Stupid immature little punk ass kids.

  Anywho…..I get back from the mall and Kris and them are there.  I told her I was going to confront Billy.  I explained to her about what……and I did exactly that.  We had a good talk.  I wanted to tell him that I was not Josephs girl and it was none of Josephs business how I was spending my time or who I was spending it with and that Billy needed to stop telling him my business.  He told me that Joseph is always asking about me…..I asked why he thinks he needs to keep tabs on me….."I dunno I was wondering the same thing and I asked him ‘why do you care’ and he says ‘i dunno’"  Billy told me that Joseph is jealous…I agreed and told Billy that Joseph just needs to get over it.  That I’m not the one worried about him, hes the one worried about me.  I dont go off asking Billy all the time what Joseph is doing or who he is doing it with and really the only time we talk about him is when Billy says ‘Have you talked to Joe lately’….so he just needs to carry on and worry about himself and himself only.  The conversation was good and much longer, it kept me up all night though.  After that I felt like I needed to talk to someone so I called Danny…..hes a good listener and talker.  I still didnt feel satisfied and I wanted to call my Buffalo friend.  I dug around and found the paper that I THOUGHT had his number on it, but it didnt.  I lost his number in the email attack which really sucks.   

I bought a book….’The 5 love languages for singles’ when I took my bro to the mall.  Good book thus far.  ‘The 5 love languages’ was suggested to me several times by a pal but after looking at the book I felt like it was more for married people and since I’m not married…..I went with the one for singles.  Perhaps I will learn something from it.  I think when I get done with it I’m going to try to hand it over to Kris.  Maybe it will help her and Billy out some.

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for months now and I’m ready to get off of it.  I’m on my way down one of the hills again as we speak.  I’m sick of riding this ride.  I WANT

OFF!!!!

 

 

Hum it to me!

 

For some reason this song played over and over again througout most of my weekend, so only fitting to put it here right.

George Strait~Nobody in his right mind

I burn with desire
each time my heart fans the fire
To that old flame
that burns inside of me
She cried when I left her
now I try to forget her
Oh how foolish I was
to ever wanna leave

Chorus:
Because nobody in his right mind
would’ve left her
I had to be crazy to say good bye
Nobody in his right mind
could’ve left her
Even my heart was smart enough
to stay behind

I still carry her picture
I wish her well
with the new love
I know she’s found by now
Each night finds me dreamin’
each day I spend thinkin’
How much I wish
she was still around

Because nobody in his right mind
would’ve left her
I had to be crazy to say good bye
Nobody in his right mind
could’ve left her
Even my heart was smart enough
to stay behind

Even my heart was smart enough to stay behind