Damn it……..
I cant think of anything else right now. I feel like Im not doing Brooke any good by being in the state Im in. Not to mention that I’ve had 2 drinks already to try to get me to loosen up enough and take my mind off things. No, they werent strong drinks, no Im not being stupid about it, yes I know I have responsibilities, I know I have a child to take care of. I would NEVER do anything stupid and put her at risk, NEVER.
Today on the way to pick my sister up a log truck was pulling out across the road in front of me. I thought how easy it would be to never even touch the brakes but I had Brooke with me. Besides, I cant do that to her, I cant leave her without a mommy. She is too precious and doesnt deserve it.
Im just depressed beyond belief right now and Im not going to be able to pull myself out of it untill I know whats going on.
Its now been 27 hours and still counting………..
I’ve had those thoughts a lot. If you are depressed enough to even have the SLIGHTEST thought of something like that – which is called suicidal ideation – you need to call a doctor and speak with a psych about it. Therapy may help you deal, and you may be able to get on meds to level you.
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The father of my son was incredibly immature and pathetic and also never just talked to me. After 3 years I left him. There were numerous times where I was driving and thought it would be better if I just drove off a cliff. Like you I could never do that to my baby…without me, he’d have to live with his father…and that will never happen. Hope things work out for you!
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