Daddy’s Little Girl

I’ve had so many thoughts I wanted to jot down here but everytime I sit down to do it I stop myself.  I dont know why, I just dont feel like doing it when it comes down to it.

Thats how alot of things are for me these days.  I want to do something, have it set in my head that I am, but then when it comes down to it I’d really rather not.  Stephen says I’ve gotten lazy since Ive gotten pregnant and quite honestly I have.  I’ve gotten lazy, careless and VERY unorganized. 

So, while we are on the topic of things I’ve noticed.  I’m carrying her all up front it seems…..which is good because I dont think I could stand to look much more plump than I already do.  My hair pretty much stays greasy.  I can wash it in the morning and by the afternoon its greasy.  I’m feeling what I think are tiny little Brooke Love Nudges, but Im not sure if it truly is her or not.  I’m so dang emotional about everything.  The sickness is still here, but not as bad as it once was.  My back either hurts or itches or both…constantly.  My boobs have broken out with black heads, or at least thats what Stephen tells me, I cant see them.  I’ve grown a beard and happy trail.  My mole on my tummy fell off thanks to my new lovely features, stretch marks.  My feet swell, but mostly the left one.  I’ve become more tolerable of sweet things and I’m really enjoying fruit these days.  I’m not nearly as gassy as I was and I still smell everything.

Those are just a few of the wonderful things that I’ve been experiencing.  Its been grand fun thus far!!  Not really, I’m over being pregnant already and I’m only 20 weeks, does that make me a bad mom?  Honestly, Im just over the being sick part.  That and being incapable of doing certain things because my wonderful hubby wont allow me.  Which, I know he’s right, Im just hard headed and anxious to do it on my own.  Such as the cat box, I feel guilty that he has to do it all by himself, so this weekend he emptied it, I washed it and then was going to fill it and I got a little upset when he wouldnt let me.  I know he’s just looking out for us but it gets frustrating some times.

Speaking of Stephen and Brooke…..I cant wait for this to all happen.  I cant wait to watch their relationship develop.  She is sooooooo going to have him wrapped so tight around her little finger….anything princess wants daddy’s going to get her.  I’m sure its going to cause problems down the road, but its going to be fun to see it happen.  He is going to spoil her rotten……he spoils me so why wouldnt he spoil her?!?!?!?  It seems like I am always thinking about what they will be like together, not what she and I will be like.  Maybe it’s because I was once daddy’s little girl and I still kinda am, I know how wonderfully cute that relationship can be.  I also know how important it is.  Stephen has alot of work ahead of him, not just raising a baby…..but he’s got to shower her with love and show her what a real man is and how one should treat her.    I don’t want her to EVER go through things that I went through and maybe if she has an idea of what she deserves she wont settle for anything less.  If that makes sense.

I also hope like hell that our relationship doesnt change because of her. That it doesnt hurt our relationship.  Stephen and I have had our ups and downs, our good times and our bad, right after getting married things got pretty sour.  But things got better and I think things are better now than they were before.  Yes, we still have struggles, but not like we used to.  Pretty much every day is a great day for us.  I fall more and more in love with him every second and I dont want anything to change.  Having a baby can change things.  Then again buying a home can change things.  Maybe I’m just panicking a little.  Mostly I dont want to fight with him, I dont want to fight with him in front of her, I dont want her to be exposed to that.  I want our relationship to be so great that she strives to find the same love and happiness that we have.  I want to lead by example.  I watched my parents fight some pretty terrible fights over the years and I dont want her to see what I saw.

Mostly I just want to be a good parent. 

So many things to think about, not just what color to paint her room, what to name her, where to Baptize her……there are so many other things to consider. 

This is it, this is the ultimate responsibility.  Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?

I think we are.

I’m anxious.  I want to know her, know her personality, oh I pray she is more like her daddy than me!

So, Brooke Lynn, whenever you’re ready, we are here to give you all that you need, to help you and guide you and watch you grow.

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