Confusion Sets In

Thanks to all those who have noted me lately.  I know, Ive been a crappy OD’er but Im just not in the right state of mind to actually care about this place.  Hopefully soon I will piece myself together enough to catch up on faves and notes.

Im still not doing very good.

Friday was ok, Saturday was our garage sale, we did pretty damn good.  I decided we should do it again on Sunday, so we did.  We didnt stay out there very long, it was cold and windy, but we still did decently.

Yesterday I took the day off, we were supposed to go to the dentist but Stephen got sick so we stayed home.  I did some sewing and such.  Trying to keep my mind occupied.  When I was alone this weekend, all I could do was cry.  I tried not to, but it happened.   Thank goodness I wasnt alone for long.  I try to be lighthearted, I try to think positive, I try to be strong, but in the end, Im weak, Im scared, Im confused, Ive never been here before.  I never dreamed of being here, Im not supposed to be in this situation.

I saw my dad in a different light on Sunday.  Thats not my dad, how could it be?  He’s not the daddy I know.  My heart is breaking.  My heart was racing, my body was shaking…..I tried soooo hard, but the tears came pouring out of me.  I dont know what to do, but he is my daddy and I will do the best I can.  I hope like hell things turn around.

I told him I loved him.