Cinnamon and sugary, like softly spoken lies

Friday Stephen turned the alarm off so I woke up 15 minutes before I was supposed to be at work and just decided to call in.  I thought we could spend the day together since he was off.  I suggested we go to the zoo since I REALLY have been wanting to go.  I get the feeling he’s not all that interested in going.  Anyways…….he neglected to tell me he had other things he had to do, such as help Craig.  I wish he would have told me when I mentioned going to the zoo and such, then I wouldnt have been upset.  It wasnt until later, an hour or more later, when Craig came into the room and said something about it, that I found out he had stuff to do. 

So, I was in a pissy mood. VERY pissy.  I laid in bed and cried because I had wasted a day, I could have just went to work late and got paid to waste my day, but nooooo I thought Id call in and hang out with him instead.  My mistake I suppose.  I told him we probably wouldnt get out of the house until 1 or 2 in the afternoon and by then it would be too late to go to the zoo.  I was right, it was 1, 1:30ish before we left.  We didnt go to the zoo, we spent the entire day running his errands.  We didnt get his haircut though and he really needs one.

We did however buy him fish.  One died already.  I will take it back tonight.

Friday night I didnt go to sleep.  I was with Rachel all night.  It was fine at first, we went to her moms house.  She had her mom read the cards for us both.  Most significant points of my reading:  I have a good family life, money will be good, I will lose my job but will get another one right after it, and Im afraid of this relationship with Stephen but its exactly where I belong, I will cause him grief and such, but its where I belong.  Ok, now, about the job thing, she went on to say that it was probably because he couldnt get something to work out, perhaps its because he cant afford to pay me which is a concern Ive had.  She said not to worry though because there wont be a lack of cash flow, I will find a job right away.  The first thing she said to me when she opened the cards was why am I afraid.  She told me that she feels like I want this to work but at the same time Im afraid of it,   She told me that I needed to make up my mind, no one could do it but myself and not to be afraid of being with Stephen.  She told me also that Im worried about getting the ring, but not to worry because I will get one.  In all honesty, Im not worried about the ring at all,the funny part is Rachel was looking around for me.  Im not worried about it or concerned, that’s all in Stephens hands, but Rachel has said something about it like a week ago, then this weekend she was flipping through a bridal magazine, looking through the glass cases at rings and then made me look through her moms rings with her to find one I like.  I DO NOT want to pick my ring out or have ANY real influence on how it looks. I want Stephen to pick it out totally, I want him to decide what he wants it to look like.  I dont want to know.  Anyways….back to my reading.  She said that we shouldnt have a long engagement, that it should be a summer wedding, like around July.  She said that once we get engaged to come back to her and she will tell us when the moon is right for us.  Lets see, what else did she say……oh yes, my eyes, she said something will happen around Feb.  Not quite sure, maybe I will get the money for it, I dont know.  ::Shrugs::  I guess thats about it.  It was interesting.  Id never had a real card reading before.

After that we went to IHOP.  Theres this REALLY creepy waiter there that we saw a while back.  Everytime she goes there she talks to him, so she saw him and requested we be seated in his section.  The first time we met this guy I got this feeling like I didnt like him, something about him irks me, makes me feel creepy.  So I REALLY didnt want to sit over there, but I did.  Anywho, we were there for 3 or 4 hours, number one I dont want to sit there that fking long, theres no point, number 2 I dont like the dude.  I just wanted to get the fk out and go home to rest for a bit before we had to go pick the boys up from work.  Nope, didnt happen.  FINALLY I got her to leave, then we went to Wal-Mart.  We walked around an empty fking walmart for 2 and a half hours.  I was TOTALLY annoyed by now and in pain, my whole body was hurting.  I couldnt wait to see my Stephen, I needed som real relief.  When I get sleepy I tend to get cranky and easily annoyed.  So she was being loud and getting on my nerves.  Thats wrong of me to say, but geeze.  So, on the drive down to Pasadena she put this CD on of this comedian she LOVES.   The guy is stupid if you ask me, his material sucks,  she and I just have 2 different senses of humor, which is obvious to me even without the comedian.  I watched his DVD a while back and thought it was only ok, I might have laughed at most 3 times.  Same with the CD.  So, on top of that she had it turned WAY up, so every time the crowd started laughing my ears would go crazy, felt like they were going to bleed.  I know, its not nice of me to be bitching like this about her, she’s not a bad person, shes cool, I like her, but……..blah, I dunno…….

Yesterday was Craigs birthday.  We went to dinner then to MainEvent, where I SUCKED at bowling more than usual. They shut the power off on us at midnight because they were closing, Stephen and Craig both were about to win something in the claw games, but they were dicks and shut everything off.

Stephen had a heart attack and that scares me like crazy!  He got hurt at work Friday.  Pretty much just pulled the muscles around his rib cage, so ofcourse he had to go see the doc for work reasons, plus he was in pain.  Anywho, the doc read his EKG and said he def. had a heart attack, he doesnt know when, but Stephen has blockage on the right side.  So Stephen has to go to the Cardiologist this week sometime to get things checked out.  I told him I didnt want to kill him so I would spare him and just leave, but I cant do that.  Its my job to take care of him and thats exactly what I plan to do.  The next few months might be a bit stressful for me though.  He also got a prescription for a med that is supposed to help him stop smoking.  He starts the meds today and has to cut back this week, next Monday he has to stop smoking totally.  He’s gonna be a cranky butt.  I better get rid of my attitude quick fast and in a hurry.  I told him the other day that there is only room enough in this relationship for one bitchy person at a time……I better stick with that.  I need to be nice and supportive anyways, its the good girlfriend thing to do.  Wish me luck.

Im just going to write off the money my sister owes me, Im tired of bullshitting with her.  Fuckin cunt!  She told me a week or so ago that as soon as she gets her taxes she would pay me, well, she got her taxes and she hasnt paid me, infact,

I think shes already spent all her tax money.  After a few things she has said to both me and mom about it, Im just going to say fuck it and leave it alone.  Just let her ask me for something again.  Wanna know what, Im too fking good to her and Im not going to do it anymore.  Im tired of being walked on.  She can kiss my fking ass.  I do everything she wants me to do for her and what does she do for me?  NOT A DAMN THING.  She cant even pay me for the christmas gift we got mom.  What a fkin bitch.  She sure can take care of Billys shit though.  Wanna know something else, I made the fking down payment on her wedding dress, had it not been for me, she wouldnt have a fking dress.  Had it not been for me, she wouldnt have a lot of shit.  Fking ungrateful bitch.  Im done being nice to her.  If she wants anything else from me, she can keep on wanting.  Im not giving it to her.  Shes my sister and it breaks my heart to feel this way and say these things, but its not fair to me at all and I cant allow that shit to happen to me.  I cant let her walk all over me.  Its just not right.  I know, I will probably give in and give her what she wants the first time she asks for something.  Im the fucking cunt I guess.

I wonder what Stephen really thinks of me all the time.  I wish I could read his mind 24/7 and know EXACTLY what he thinks of me.  Good or bad…….then again, it would probably hurt me too much.

 

 

Pepper-Butthole Surfers

Marky got with Sharon
And Sharon got Sharice
She was sharing Sharon’s outlook
On the topic of disease
Mikey had a facial scar
And Bobby was a racist
They were all in love with dyin’
They were doing it in Texas
Tommy played piano
Like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas
He was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin’
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain
I don’t mind the sun sometimes
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through other people’s eyes
Some will die in hot pursuit
In fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
While sifting through my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
And drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain

[Chorus]

Another Mikey took a knife
While arguing in traffic
Flipper died a natural death
He caught a nasty virus
Then there was the ever-present
Football player rapist
They were all in love with dyin’
They were doing it in Texas
Polly caught a bullet
But it only hit his leg
Well it should have been a better shot
And got him in the head
They were all in love with dyin’
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain

[Chorus]