But still I wont let sorrow bring me way down….

We leave for NY on the 22nd.  Im probably just going to work half a day that day then go home, tell my lil bro happy birthday and leave.  We plan to be back on the 2nd.  So, I guess we are spending another New Years in NY.  Fine by me.  Maybe it will snow……last year it just rained and snowed a little at the same time. 

Anywho……I told Stephen its not going to be like this every year.  We arent going to NY for Christmas every year no matter if its his moms favorite holiday or not.  I know, shame on me for that.  But its not fair to me either.  Id like to spend it with my family from time to time.  Not to mention…….my brothers birthday is on the 22nd, my sisters on the 25th and my nephews on the 26th.  Im supposed to miss those every year???  My sister turns 21 this year…..thats a big birthday……..and I dont get to be there.  It makes me sad.  I told him we could switch off, one year have Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his……the next year, switch it…..so we are there for Thanksgiving and here for Christmas.  I think thats only fair.  ::Shrugs::  Maybe Im just being selfish.  Maybe he’s just being selfish.  His mother is really being selfish because she passed the comment before that he has to always be there for Christmas.  It is her favorite holiday.  I understand we live here……..she doesnt get to see him as much as she’d like, and since we are now living with my parents it makes things all the more difficult for her.  But…..we still need to play fair.

I still havent grown balls enough to call her.  I dunno why calling people is so hard for me.  Even my boss gives me a hard time about it here at work.  He says its one of my weak points.  Its all the more difficult to call her because she is the F-M-I-L.  Did I ever tell you about the one time she called………I think it was easter or something……Stephen handed me the phone…….she talks sooooo fast and she said something…….all I could make out was that it was a question……not knowing what to say because I didnt understand the question I just said no……..turns out she asked me if I had any buns in the oven…….good thing I didnt say yes.  LOL.  Just makes it more nerve racking…..I feel soooo slow when Im talking to her.  But……maybe this trip up we can do a little more ‘bonding’  Maybe that will make her feel a little bit better and forget that I dont call her.  LOL.  Stephen wants me to go get my nails done with her…….shes asked me before but its not really my thing.  Maybe this time.  I know I need to put the effort out there…..Im just having a hard time doing it.

Dad and I got into a huge fight a few nights ago……havent spoken to him since.  It was a dumb ass thing to fight over but he was making a bigger deal of it than it was and he was just being ridiculous.  It was about my nephew and he made the comment of until I have kids I have no say so………my sister has passed the comment before as well.  Those comments hurt me more than anything else.  I know I dont have kids but that doesnt make me incapable of making wise choices regarding my nephew and other kids.  Im smart enough to know what is right and what is wrong…….I have common sense.  My question is……..what if I werent able to have children……would they still make those comments??  Would I still be considered incapable???  If not…….then why does it make a difference now???

Me, Stephen and my bro are all supposed to go see Happy Feet tonight.  I hope its cute.

I know we keep going back and fourth with the wedding date…….but truthfully I dont want to wait.  So Im hoping we can pull it off in June.  I really do.  After the first of the year Im really going to get into it and get serious about it.  Wish us luck.

I guess thats all for now.  My boss is having a colonoscopy done today.  He’s gone doing that now…but earlier he was on the phone and this is what he said to get off of it "Anyways, I gotta go, they gotta stick a light up my butt"  I was laughin………that was some funny shit…….who the hell says that!?!?!?!

We are doing my nephews 3rd birthday party on Sunday……..tomorrow Stephen and I might go look at mobile homes.  Thats my plans for the weekend. 

Hope you enjoy yours!!!