25 hours and counting….

….since I last heard from him.  He came home yesterday hardly spoke to me got his stuff and left.  Of course I didnt say too much to him either but Im really not sure what to say to him any more. 

I sent him a text yesterday and told him if he wants to talk to me he knows how to reach me and so far he hasnt even tried.  Here he is driving half way across the country, knows I was nervous about him doing that and isnt even calling to let me know hes alright??  What the hell is up with that shit?  There are no gas charges pending against our account yet.  Which by now there should be at least one.  Dunno why its taking so long………if he’s even using the card or if he’s even really on the way to NY.  I dont know what the hell hes doing right now to be honest and I dont trust him right now either.  This is behavior I have NEVER seen from him before nor did I ever imagine he was capable of so I dont know what the hell to think.

My mom is the only person Ive told about this.  We were talking this morning about it and she basically told me she thinks Im a very intutive person and Im always able to pick up on things like this and what ever I think might be going on probably is exactly whats going on with him. That being said, I dont know that he’s cheating, I really dont feel that, but I do think he has already made his mind up that he wants out, he just hasnt found the balls to tell me yet.  Thats what my gut is telling me at least.

On top of that I started thinking last night……..what if the reason he never wanted me to go to NY with him was because he never planned to return?  Anything is possible at this point because I have NO idea whats going on.  My thoughts are running wild.

How could he just leave me like this?  This is not the man I love not even close.  What if Im reading way too much into it all and he comes back expecting things to be ok?  I know I should just do that, but my heart hurts so bad right now, he has hurt me pretty damn bad and I dont know that I can do that right away.  Plus, what if he gets this stressed out again?  Am I supposed to sit back and let this happen again and again?

What about Brooke?  I always felt confident that our relationship was a strong one and a PERFECT example of how love should be for Brooke to grow up with.  Now Im not so sure of that.

Anyways, my sister is coming to use my comp so I gotta go.

Question now……..since hes not trying to contact me and Im trying to give him space, do I at least send a text tomorrow wishing his mothers proceedure goes well and sendng love?  Or do I just keep my silence?