2/7/07

Well, I called to check on my unemployment check yesterday, should be here tomorrow or Friday at the latest.  Hopefully today, if Im lucky.  Got bills that have to be paid this week so Im counting on that check.

Also called to check on my food stamps this morning, finally have some money on the card, but guess how much…………$10.00, that REALLY sucks if thats all they feel the need to give me then screw them.  Its not worth it, I already didnt want to get the shit and so far its not even worth it.  Im wondering if maybe there is more money pending or something to that degree.  10 bucks wont do shit.  Lets put it this way, Im getting a 230 dollar check for unemployment once it arrives I will have maybe, if Im lucky, 5 bucks.  So I do need all the help I can get right now.  Lets not even start to talk about my truck note that is almost 3 months past due, I got sooooo fking far behind on that note when I had to miss some work for my cataract surgery this summer.  Ive been trying to catch up ever since with no luck.  They are probably about to repo it and I only have about a year and a half left to pay on it.  Ive come sooooo close only to have them rip it away from me.  I owe about 8 grand on it still.

Im calling today to try to defer the payment on Stephens truck note, try to use his payment towards my payment, this way I can bring the current balance of about $1100 down some.  Ugh, Im just soooo fking frustrated right now its unreal.

Wanna laugh……..my boss emailed me for instructions on where to find something the other day.  He’s incapable of doing anything without me, so much so that he lays me off then emails me for fking help.  BASTARD!!!  Not only that but he informed me that he has 3 request in right now, 3 fking request.  So why am I not in that office??  Ive sat there for weeks on end with not a damn thing to do, why the sudden change??  Why cant he keep me around now.  Ive already decided that if he calls and says hes ready for me to come back Im going to decline.  A) I was miserable there B) He really has fked me raw and can kiss my ass.  This is my chance to finally break free of that place and I am!!!

Ive applied for a few jobs, no luck yet.  I enrolled in an online class today.  Hopefully that potential student loan doesnt fk our house loan.  Which by the way Im waiting for the loan officer to call me and tell me the deal is off because he has found out Im unemployed. Ughhhhhh!!  Anyways, Im excited about the school, hope it works out for me.  Going for an Associates in Criminal Justice.  Hopefully I can get into forensics, which is where I REALLY want to be.

Other than that life is just fking grand.  My whole life has gone down the shitter in the last month.  Every thing I was looking forward to…..now out of my reach.  Im depressed but trying not to show it too much.  Im sick and tired of sitting at home and feeling worthless/useless.  I hate this fking shit.  All because of one dumb fking bastard!!  Ugh, Im so pissed.

Sorry for the rant.

Thanks you guys for all the notes lately.  I really do appreciate them.  I know Im terrible at noting back and even worse now.  I just dont have that desire for OD that I used to, especially not now.  I dont feel like reading about your lives and either getting more depressed or sadly, jealous.  But I do appreciate your notes, I do still read you guys when I get on here most of the time, I just kinda lurk around in the shadows.  My diary subscription is about to run out, Id like to keep it but sadly I cant afford it, so I wonder how messed up my diary will be once it does expire.  I know one things for sure, not looking forward to those pop ups again.

Thanks again.

Be safe!!