Supportless

3 years ago, we were expecting Annabelle to come along soon, Alister had lost his dream job and had the option of going back to his old job….which he had always loathed. We made the decision to cut bait and move up to Nelson from Christchurch, move in with Ali’s parents, and start looking for a job and life nearer Ali’s family and the support they would provide to our growing family.

We lived with them for 5 months, and as soon as Alister had a signed contract for a permanent position, we moved out to a rental in town, and here we remain.

Since then we have added Alex to our family, and as recently announce, have a new baby coming along.

Alister’s brother lives in Nelson too. Shortly after we moved out of Ali’s parent’s home, his brother and his girlfriend moved in. They are still living there, paying their part of the power, etc….but saving the rest of their rent money from the past few years to pay for their wedding next month, as well as a deposit on a home.

Alister’s sister also lives in Nelson. When we moved here, she was living in a room with her boyfriend, at her boyfriend’s brother’s house, rent free, while they saved for a wedding and a deposit for a home. They have since had a child, gotten married, bought a home, and in December had a second son.

In December, I had a breakdown. I was dealing with a difficult 1 year old, a child with autism, plus my 4 y/o daughter and a house that never seemed to get any cleaner. I told my mother in law that I was struggling, and begged her to help me. I have no family here of course, and the friends I have are in no position to help me. She is about my sole source of support. She said of course, took Ella out a few times, and did a few loads of washing for me.

Then Alister’s sister had her baby, and of course mum/grandma is going to take care of baby and daughter.

Then, shockingly, 2 weeks later, Brenda’s son Jack was rushed to starship hospital with heart failure. He was there for 5 weeks and diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy, brought on by a viral attack to the heart while in utero.

My mother in law of course, went up to Auckland to be with her daughter, to take care of the elder son while mum and baby were in hospital. She was an amazing support to them, even missing weeks of school (she is a promary schoolteacher).

Now it is end of March. Baby is home and stable, doing really well. Takes meds every day, 3 times a day, but otherwise stable and well. This is such a great thing, and I only hope things will improve.

Now to the selfish part of the entry. I have tried to do everything I can to help support my sis in law in her hard time. I have been pushing along in my own life, dealing with my kids, having up to 6 appointments a week with Anna’s various therapists and caretakers, and managing my home. But ever since Brenda has been home and Jack doing well, it has been in the back of my mind wondering if I have been forgotten.

Brenda seems to be taking all her parents time, asking them to babysit, stay with her, or her stay with them. Sue even took a day off work to watch her older son while Jack needed some tests done.

While I know that this is their daughter, and helping her is of course their first priority, she’s is their baby girl….I am left feeling so alone. I have no one to turn to. My husband is doing the best he can, but he is dealing with a rough work situation, and coming home to my drama, a dirty house, and crying kids is not helping our marriage.

Now Alex has chicken pox, he has been miserably crying for 3 days, and I have had next to no sleep in that time. I sent a text to my mother in law yesterday letting her know he had it, and that we were unlikely to be attending any family get-togethers for easter. Her response was “no worries, hope K doesn’t get it!”. No asking if I needed anything, no offers of support. Only worry that Brenda’s son, who we saw on friday, might get the disease. Which is a fear of mine too, of course! It would be awful if Jack came down with it! But the words unspoken hurt. Still nothing today, and I just keep thinking “I miss my mommy, my mom would take care of me”.

So the reason we moved to Nelson; family and support, at this moment seems like no reason at all. Today I have a new resolution. 2 years, and I am moving home to the states. 2 years, and that gives me time to get paperwork in order, pay bills, get things together, and get rid of what I own.

I would be sad we left Christchurch and the support network we left there, but I can’t be sad we missed out on the big earthquakes and all that followed.

That is all. Whinging over. Regularly scheduled program to resume…..later.

Steph