Jack

My little nephew Jack is dying right now. It is slow, but inevitable. Could be days, could be weeks. But that is all.

I can’t remember if I wrote about jack, and can’t really be bothered checking. He was 2 weeks old when he was diagnosed with cardio myopathy, a heart made of weak heart tissue. Unrepairable bar what he himself could heal. He has been doing well, gaining weight, being adorable….until he stopped gaining weight, until his heart started getting worse. They told us last week that this is it, this is the end. He is 20 weeks old.

In one way, he was dying at 2 weeks, and without intervention, they would have lost him then. Now they can look at those 18+ weeks as a precious gift. They got to love him, hold him, earn his smiles and giggles. Now he is being loved and held until the angels take him to God.

On the other hand, we are all of course heartbroken and devastated. I have been avoiding writing this entry all week because it hurts. And I am bawling. And it sucks. And it’s not fair.

His mum sent me these lyrics tonight. She wants to play it at his funeral (so wrong!! He is just so tiny, how is this happening!?) it has made me a mess again, but brought me here to write. This is all I can manage. Dixie chicks, Godspeed;

“Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)”

Dragon tales and the “water is wide”

Pirate’s sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moonbeams every night

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

The rocket racer’s all tuckered out

Superman’s in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon, will find the mouse

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars

God bless dad and thanks for the stars

God hears “Amen,” wherever we are

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Godspeed

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

…….love you sweet baby Jack………