Writing randomnesslessness

Church was ok today. Not the mindblowing move of God that was like last week when I wasn’t there, so I was a lil but jealous cause I missed out but God will hook it up another time lol.

I’ve really not had too much to say. I dunno why. I did pray for God to wean me off of concreteloop.com. It’s a black Gossip blog that is phenomenal and the comments will suck you in for hours lol. So…… I can usually go 3-4 days without it then I get sucked back in by boredom when on the net. Darnit whomever introduced me to that site lol!  

Kids are doing well. Preparing for the concert is work but we’re really gonna have a nice show guys. i wish you were in the Cincinnati Area I’d reserve a seat for you. We’ve got a meeting with a couple of radio hosts to discuss possibly interviewing on some radio programs. That’s exciting.

My weight is yoyoing right now but I’ve been praying really hard about this because I’ve had some really dangerous thoughts enter my head about my weightloss and methods to acheive it,  granted I’ve had to cast those thoughts out but even still it’s scary to think about it like that. And surprisingly while in church today not thinking anything about it I came across this verse.

Psalm 107: 15-19   (CEV)                                     

You should praise the Lord for his love and for the wonderful things he does for all of us. He breaks down bronze gates,  and shatters iron locks. Some of you had foolishly committed alot of sins and were in terrible pain. The very thought of food was disgusting to you,  and you were almost dead. You were in serious trouble,  but you prayed to the Lord,  and he rescued you. By the power of his own Word He healed you and saved you from destruction.

This really touched me today. I always thought about those women that become anorexic and they starve themselves to be skinny and the basis of this is that they despise food,  and they are scared to eat it because of fear of what it will do to their bodies. Well I for one DEFINITELY am not anorexic lol. But those thoughts DID cross my mind these past two weeks. Especially since the scale has hit an all time new high. But then I thought about it. How many Fat anorexics do YOU know? lol I mean they wouldn’t be fat if they were anorexic right?  So umm yeah that would never work with me. I have this love affair with Food and Never in my life did I ever think that I would become obsessed with my weight. And when I made the decision to not worry about it anymore and let the chips fall where they may I gained and gained and gained. And over the weekend I had to re-evaluate HOW i lost 80 lbs and managed to gain it all back short of about 5 lbs within a year. And I remember what REALLY kick started the change. It wasn’t because I was tired of being fat, it wasn’t body type issues, it wasn’t self esteem. It was a medical diagnosis,  I was disgnosed with Hypothyrpid,  and told that I was in the baby stages of diabetes. And I remember that day like it was yesterday. After the doctor told me the diagnosis I was no longer in that room. Everything became cloudy and all I could think about was my grandmother. My grandma and my daddy raised me and my grandmother died YOUNG because of diabetes. And every single malfunction that comes with diabetes she had. She started losing her sight,  I had to give her insulin shots,  When she lost one of her limbs I had to take care of her and make sure she got around. When she started going to dialysis I was there guiding her to the pickup mobile. I watched my grandmother literally deteriorate because of Diabetes. And then I watched my father be diagnosed with it as an adult and to this day physically I am watching a strong backed,  stubborn willed, King become a sickly and though trying to be strong,  Handicapped man. Yall don’t know how much it even hurts to write that. Well anyways. That is what I saw. And I made a decision that I couldn’t be the next victim,  2 years i worked hard to lose and lost 80 lbs And documented it ( the link is on the front page) and 6 months later I was in the clear and not at risk for diabetes. After seeing what my grandma went through I wouldn’t wish diabetes on my worst enemy. This past weekend God showed me that. And so it’s not an obsession that I am picking up but I am going to get this weight off God’s way. I don’t really know what that entails right now but I have to get there.  I’m just praying for direction and slowly bits and pieces are coming to me.

Today at the end of church towards the end of the altar call God just really moved withing the praise and worship team I mean Church had been dismissed and everything but we couldn’t move. It was like the presence of God and the Glory was so heavy upon us that we couldn’t do anything but pray and seek his face. It was awesome! By the time we came down from praising,  praying,  and worshipping God (simultaneously) everyone was gone lol. I said….well God maybe it was only meant for us to feel that presence and Glory at that time.

The van is doing really well still trying to get the buttons down on it lol. I’ll take pics with my cell phone one day of the interior and post them. Oh and guess what it only takes 12-13 gallons to fill it up! That;s the same as the Stratus so it’s not a huge change in gas woohoo.

Next week is lil Q’s birthday. I’m gonna get a room at a hotel with a swimming pool have him invite a few buddy;s and they’ll celebrate like that. Money is a lil tight with the downpayment on the mpv so we’ll do something a lil moderate for him. 

~He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.~

Proverbs 25:28

~I pray the desires of my heart flow with His Will.

Ronnie (OD member)