Walked today and a slap on the wrist

Getting up to walk this morning was really hard but I’m glad I got up and did it. Both me and aunt were dragging. I can’t sleep at night good here lately.

Anyways I slept about 15-20 minutes of the walk and halfway woke up towards the end drove to work and almost nodded at the wheel a couple of times and grabbed a big ole cup of coffee from UDF and came to work.

Work has been….. well it’s been work.

And i got mad the other day and for the first time actually acted on it. I started Job hunting while at work. Usually I’ll do it for Quincy because they are torturing him with his hours. But this time I did it. And while I did I also did the dumbest thing a person could do. I used company property to fax a resume to another company, and the mad genius here didn’t put a cover page on it. DUH!!! So three hours later my transmittal report comes through and I didn’t get to the copier fast enough to retrieve it!!! I was out in the shipping warehouse undrilling a crate to get some network switches out of it. So I come back to my desk and there is a fax transmittal on my desk of my cover letter to another company!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! How stupid of me! So while I pick my face up off of the floor and try to play it off like nothing has happened. I go on.

One thing I find oddly familiar is that the positions on the job websites that I’m looking into is that I’d be doing the EXACT SAME thing that I’m doing here. That is…. if I wanna make the kinda money I make which isn’t totally astounding but it’s better than what’s out there right now. The Job market is absolutely horrible here. Especially in the IT industry. So I began weighing my options after I calmed down and stopped submitting my resume to different places and actually I have it pretty good here…..stress aside. I can work from home if need be, I have a blackberry  curve as a company cellphone and remote email,  Company credit card(for company purchases ofcourse), a pretty good title (which comes along with being the ONLY IT support for 3 locations), and my office is pretty spacious and AWAY from everyone. I don’t have a boss breathing down my neck and standing over me as she is in Belgium. And even though I still consider this place overwhelming and extremely stressful I have alot of freedom.

Well remember when I talked about not caring whether I got fired. Well I noticed Monday that I was sick and didn’t feel Good but I wasn’t so sick that I couldn’t come to work. IT was just how I felt. Just thinking about coming in here and dealing with all the people trying to pull you in 50 different directions and never being able to focus on one project but instead having to juggle 5 is just really discouraging so I stayed home. Well Friday I had a blowout and was stranded on the highway which caused me to not come to work. This my dearies means that I had a 4 day weekend. WEll imagine an employee having a 4 day weekend and then when she comes to work you ‘happen’ to find a coverletter of her;s to another company as if she’s trying to leave? I thought about all of this and really it was all stupid. I’ve been at this place in my life before. I’ve sabotaged jobs before because of Depression. The last time I got like this. I not only sabotaged and got fired from my job. I broke up with my Husband (then Boyfriend) and kicked him out of my house and wallowed in my own depression for almost a year. He sees the signs and he is freaking out. I almost let these emotions get past me until I began to analyze my behavior. So now it is time to stop the madness and get back on track. I am victorious and that spirit of Depression WILL NOT OVERTAKE ME in JESUS name!

I FINALLY had the meeting that I told you guys about last week when I didn’t care if I got fired and believe me everything about my recent attendance AND the resume was brought up. I will repent later but I lied. I told my immediate stand in boss that I was just applying for a part time seasonal job in the evenings and I knew I was wrong for using company property to do so but that all has been resolved. So now I must move on and be a woman of integrity. I mean I thought I had it before but I see that I have some serious character flaws that HAVE to be dealt with. I’m Just thankful that God is allowing me to see it and fix it yanno?!?!

Experience is the best training….

Okay well now that I’ve confessed I feel better.

~He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.~

Proverbs 25:28

‘I grew up penecostal and I now attend an apostolic church, but I have long ago taken off the denominational boundaries. I’m sick of religion and tradition. I’m more concerned about relationship with God through Jesus Christ.’

~me