I dunno **edit**

I think i may be PMSing this week. I thought the same thing last week but when no TOM came  all month then I thought maybe I was pregnant and my worst fears began to surface, cause I don’t want anymore babies. I can’t afford it and I don’t have the patience for it. Vomiting,  changing pampers, cleaning Bottles,  Baby bibs smelling like similac, pacifiers,  crying babies,  changing pampers, buying cribs,  bassinets, pumpkin chairs,  carseats, high chairs,  pottty training, Oh and did I mention changing pampers,  and trying to find a babysitter to watch a baby? ARRGGHHHH. DH was semi excited until I brought all of that up and he feels me now.  Well i went and got a test andthe first one I messed up by dropping the urine in the wrong spot so I had to go out and buy another one. Test came back negative,  Happy HAPPY jOY jOY 😀 !!

Small problem though. I have been extremely emotional. I figure maybe this time when I get emotional it may mean TOM is coming. I usually get really mood swingy and emotional around that time but like I said I’ve been like this for like 2 weeks. I dunno what’s going on with me but I wish it would stop!

Today I woke up with suicidal thoughts. Like I just don’t wanna be here anymore. I don’t wanna go to work,  I don’t wanna do anything. I’ve been off since last Thursday….. you would think I’d be reenergized or something. I missed church yesterday on behalf of the family reunion picnic and my son had a scrimage game so I feel kinda like I missed my filling up to get me through the next couple of days. But there was a meeting with Pastor and the Praise and Worship team that I’m glad I missed quite frankly because it seems it wasn’t a pretty meeting at all. Anyways back to these thoughts I got a little disturbed that I would even feel this so I began rebuking that spirit and casting it down but I can still feel it trying to lurk. And I wonder if I’m interceding for someone right now or if I’m genuinely getting feelings of depression. Over the weekend my wallet was either lost or stolen. I thought maybe I misplaced it so I’ve been looking but I can find it anywhere. My whole life is in that wallet. I’ve held back my sadness and anger about it all weekend but today I can feel it all surfacing.

MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME TODAY?!?!?!

Okay I have to go and hopefully sort some things out.  Keep me lifted yall.

*insert* I swear I’m beginning to develop  a healthy HATE for this job! IF it didn’t pay so good I would’ve looked for another Job long ago *end of insert*

********EDIT*********** Just got back from the restrooms and TOM has arrived. I knew the prayer of the righteous were availing Thank you Jesus!!! HALLELUJER!

~He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.~

Proverbs 25:28

‘I grew up penecostal and I now attend an apostolic church, but I have long ago taken off the denominational boundaries. I’m sick of religion and tradition. I’m more concerned about relationship with God through Jesus Christ.’

~me