i lost my best friend

well,  i unfortunately lost my best friend. and it started with a small miscommunication issue and it blew out of proportion and it turned into her telling me i bring no joy to her life and its become a chore to see me and i suck the fun out of everything and that im a narcissist. it was some pretty hurtful stuff. but at the same time, its also a relief that i dont have to be her best friend anymore. shes very emotionally demanding and im going to miss her alot dont get me wrong. but so much of my life has freed up. i was clinging on really tight to her. she was all i had for a very long time and dont get me wrong there are times i sit here and im like hm it could be okay between us. but i feel like i would be disrespecting myself if i allowed someone who says their my best friend and then is willing to say those things. it hurts. im going to miss her i really am. i also started a new medication so i think that could be good for me as well. and im studying again, i want to be back to taking care of myself since ive been doing a pretty bad job of it. i also havent worked on my buddhism research paper in a couple days, i do think im going to work on that here soon. it sucks that my boyfriend is my ex bestfriends brother. she pushed quite a bit for us to date and i said no quite often until we all started hanging out and i got to know him alot more. i almost broke up with him too. i wanted to run from all the problems i had. but im glad i didnt, i went to him and showed him and told him what happened and he is supportive of me never being her friend again, and i dont think i will at least not for a very long time, if ever. i will miss her son though, quite a bit, he was like my best friend for such a long time. and she told me i need to stay away from her her son and her boyfriend. which i think is a bit cruel. her boyfriend has been in a really bad place lately and him and i always have a good time together watching anime and stuff. ahhhh im gonna have to say goodbye to her amazon prime but thats okay, my roommate will let me use hers im sure. i actually think its really funny, so the ex bestfriend and my roommate did not get along and the ex bestfriend went nuclear and the roommate said that my ex bestfriend would do this to me. and i was like nah there is no way. well here we are 5 months later and that is exactly what happened. it hurts pretty bad…. but like i said, there is this sense of freedom. all of my emotional turmoil has come from her. everyday ill sit here and be like oh god what if shes mad at me, what if im not good enough. and then on the otherside of things, back to work stuff, i apologized to my coworkers and it felt like there was a small issue but i think we cleared it up i think its a bit better, i dont think it will go back to how it was and i think that were going to need to keep conversation strictly to work. which i can accept and im back into doing my DBT therapy which is helping. im trying alot to improve my situation. and im still reading the subtle art of not giving a fuck which is going well and has honestly been so helpful. i didnt get to hangout with the girls today so that made me kind of sad but im glad that i feel comfortable enough to talk to them. oh and my tire went flat last night !! this week i have not been able to catch a break, it has been a bad week but there have been good things too. i got some new skates and went skating with my brother and the boyfriend and i went and saw guardians of the galaxy volume 3. it was really good. The said the F word in the movie which was incredibly shocking but it was so well done. like it was really cool. but alright, i think thats enough for today. its a long entry and i needed to vent this all out to someone who may or may not read this and if no one reads it, then its out into the cosmos and that does help my mind, even though its everylasting and scary lol okay bye.