an actual second entry

well i wasnt sure whether or not i would actually keep up with this or not and im still not sure but it is day 2 so thats cool i suppose. anywho i noticed how i got so upset when i was doing chores today, and im not sure why, its like i was blaming everyone else for something not being done. which sounds so dumb. like????? granted i am sick but that doesnt mean should work around me and my roommate made me food so that was nice too because i was infact starving lol. and i originally typed out that i was so tired but im not tired, i think that was just a standard response when i have nothing else to say. i also got mad while i was cleaning at work, blaming everyone else like kelsey and kate and vickie for targeting me, but am i being targeted, because this feels like a constant repeat occurance where i just make things worse somehow when i try to stick up for myself, and i mean im doing my job and i take pictures of everything that i do , which i do believe will help me when the time comes and ive asked the scheduler lady twice now if i can work tomorrow 11-6 and she still hasnt gotten back to me and its so annoying like. why are things like this. wait i think i just realized that i need to do it the other way which im just making my own issues for myself, ive noticed im very forgetful and its annoying. i feel like im annoying but im tryong to be nicer to myself but im not doing a very good job. im always putting myself down so i need to start doing the sticky note thing where i write nice things about myself that are facts. becuase thats the only way im going to get better, see i just dont want to do this with pen and paper i dont like it, i think ill ask my therpist whether or not this is okay, i mean it should be okay right? also i cant make decisions for shit like ya know in those zombie movies where theyre like “quick make a decision!!!” i would probably die because i couldnt make a decision. sadge. okay this was nice, i think this is helping?