Thank you for the herpes advice

I keep seeing a herpes ad on the top of OD today. It’s getting to me. Maybe it’s always there, but I’ve never noticed it before. If OD gave me herpes I’m gonna be pissed. How will I explain that to Stephen???

Ok, I’ve never done a survey on here, and I feel the need. I stole this from someone.. I already forgot who, though.

*If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:

An oversized shirt, complete with milk stained boobies. Elastic waistband pants. An extra pair of pants (But for some reason they don’t seem to be able to squeeze over the doll’s hips) a diaper bag- but there are no diapers inside- I knew I forgot something. Also, as an added bonus, the Theresa doll comes with brand new makeup (like she’s ever had time to put it on), a flask full of whiskey (For those hard days), an endless supply of bandaids, and an infant car seat. Sorry, baby sold separately.

*What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
Cat food. Well, I don’t ever eat at my grandparent’s house, but if I did, I’m afraid they’d feed me cat food. (That’s probably why I avoid it)
*What did you do yesterday?
I called a pregnant woman a whale, played in the backyard with my kids, and tried to explain to my 5 year old that "France" is not a person.

*What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate?
To my rescuers- "No, no it’s just me… I’m the only one here. Ignore the shallow grave over there…"

*What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
First, I’d take the kids to a babysitter. Then I’d find a friend to be my alibi. Next, I’d go find my husband and I’d cut off his balls. Then I’d find the woman (assuming she knew he was married) and I’d make her eat his balls… After that it gets too violent for me to type.

*Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
When I get bored, I stalk people everywhere on the computer. It’s a hobby. A perfectly healthy hobby…
*I find the thought of childbirth:
makes me want another baby. I know I’m nuts. It hurt, but I liked the attention.
*Next door to my house is:
My neighbors’ houses. I know. Shocking.
*My feet are:
Way prettier than Stephen’s feet.

*Why is your number one myspace friend your number one?
Because I knew if I had my boyfriend as my number one friend, Stephen would get mad.

*Know how to cook?
I make GREAT chicken nuggets! I can cook, I just don’t ever have time to cook anything great, not to mention when I do, the kids don’t like it, so it seems like a waste of my time.
*I am annoyed with:
My son’s smart mouth. If he wasn’t so cute, I’d sell him.

*Name one of the Spice Girls:
Whore! Wait… You meant their real name?

What was the last thing to make you cry?
If I had to guess, I’d say my husband. Because he’s mean to me.

*What are the stems on wine glasses for?
Because without the stems, the glass would look stupid. And it would probably spill…
*My favorite shoes are?
really easy to slip onto my feet while my hands are full
*Can you use chopsticks?
For… eating? No. For… stabbing stuff? Sure!

*Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Probably forests. It’s hard to lose my children on a beach… but in a forest I can hide in a tree and have a quiet moment.

*What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
The guy from Saw. I know he’s not real, but he freaked me out.

*Who knows a secret or two about you?
People who read my OD… And Stephen.

*Have you ever burned yourself?
Well, I’ve never set myself on fire or anything, but I burn myself often. Not for fun or anything. I’m just not very coordinated.

*Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Soulstyles. But only because she’s jealous. (Go to her OD and call her a name for me…)

*Who is your hero?
The guy who escaped from my basement. I still don’t know how he got untied.

*Where is your brother right now?
He’s… in my dad’s scrotum. Gross, I know. But since I don’t have a brother, I’m guessing he’s still there… Or at least half of him is.

*Do you believe in things that last forever?
I can’t think of anything to say. Maybe.
*What are you listening to?
Christopher is singing "I like boobies"….

*What is something your friends make fun of you for?
My friends make fun of me for everything. Maybe they aren’t really my friends.

*What is in your pocket right now?
Kinky question…

*Where was your default picture taken?
My front porch.

*Something irritating about your living situations:
My husband lives here, too. And my kids. How irritating is that?.

*Would you rather have straws for legs or slinkies for arms?
What the hell kind of question is this?

There were a lot more questions, but I got bored and deleted them.