For my giant friend

First of all, she knows who I’m talking about, and she’s probably going to leave mean notes, and also encourage you to do the same. So Soulstyles, this is for you. I know I tease you about how huge you are and how you’re never going to have the baby, but I promise you, it’ll be over soon, and the days of competition with the elephant over who is the largest land mammal will pass.

Some of you may have read my embarrassing sex story towards the beginning of my diary. That was one of my many pregnant stories. Well, this one isn’t embarrassing, but I think Soulstyles will appreciate it.

I was 35 weeks pregnant and I’d gained 47 lbs already. I could still fit my jeans on as long as they sat on my hips and not my belly- The weight was all in my belly (and my boobs, but you get the point). I was huge and my husband (boyfriend at the time) didn’t let me forget it. Ever. I was having contractions, but the hospital had already sent me home earlier that day saying that everything was fine, and if I was in actual labor I wouldn’t be able to talk through the contractions. So I decided to run a bath for myself to help with the pain I was having. Well, I momentarily forgot that I weighed 6 tons, instead of the 110lbs I had weighed before I got pregnant. I ran the bath water and then got in. My husband got to the bathroom door just in time to see the tidal wave…

I must’ve lost half the water in the tub. Stephen saw from the doorway and decided the smart thing to do was to just keep walking… Of course he couldn’t just keep walking without calling out over his shoulder, "Way to go, Shamu."

The moral of this story is that we all look like whales sometimes.  And the people who make fun of us usually only do it because they love us. (Or because they want to be stabbed.)

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, everyone should go to Soulstyles OD and be sure to tell her how beautiful she looks. And be sure to find a way to call her a whale or a manatee. You get 2,500 points for each fat name you call her, but only if you tell her that you’re only kidding and she really looks great. (I know, I gave out more than 4,000 points per name yesterday, but now she knows the game and that takes away some of the value).