Feed Me Seymour

So just finished the best conversation with Derek, I love him.  *Oh God* save me from my feelings.  I’m kind of scared of getting hurt but then there is this part of me that isn’t afraid.  A part that is whispering to me at night when I’m alone, he might actually be the one.  I almost don’t want to say that because I’m afraid i will jinx it all.  He is to date the best man I’ve dated, down to earth, makes me laugh all the time, and sometimes says the sweetest things.  Like earlier today he told me I was beautiful, which is hard for me to swallow, *coughs* low self-esteem.  He calls me multiple times during the day and tonight it’s almost 4 am, he never stays awake that late.  Now the race is on to find an apartment, I need to be there before his birthday which is in August.  I want to be in his arms right now, to find out what it will be like to be there with him and not just vacationing.  I think it will be everything I’ve ever dreamed it would be.  I can’t believe how happy I am right now.  All the heartache has prepared me for this moment in time, now I appreciate the happiness I feel.

Okay enough mushy guy stuff.

My bestest is going to write about a boy we shared for a brief moment in time.  I can’t write about it now, I wanted to at one point but I’ve finally gotten my closure over the whole thing and I don’ t want to open the wound again.  I swear no man will ever keep us apart ever again Meg’s I wont let it happen again.  You mean to much to me to let you go again.  It was stupid and wreckless.

Okay enough self-pitty.

Random thought : I had phone sex for the first time in almost 13 years, it was awesome hehe.

So I asked MBP if he had tourettes tonight.  He does this really annoying thing were he will just blurt out some random words.  Watched his friends son, who I think is 16, do bare chested sit ups.  Is it bad that I thought it was hot, probably.  Do I care, probably not.

I’m going to be spending the night at the sisters tomorrow cause we have to be up and to our mom’s apartment by 8:30 Saturday morning.  *Groans*  I’m not a morning person.  Bonus though I get to hang with my bestest and the sister again.  I’m gonna miss them when I move.  I really don’t think MBP will be very happy but fuck him.

My car was supposed to be done today but it wasn’t, grrr.  Stupid church people.

So I really don’t have anything witty to say today, I’m kind of floating on a cloud of happiness and sorrow at the same time.

~Don’t Stab Yourself, Stab Bryan