Family Reunion Fun

So do you ever wonder why you go to family reunions.  My mom’s side of the family had one today it was special just like I thought it would be.  And as I sat there I wondered have they all really changed that much or is it me.  Have I changed so much that I don’t fit into my own family anymore?  It’s a curious thought, really I didn’t feel right sitting there amongst all my relatives.  I guess in some weird way I have changed a lot but I never realized until today.  Sitting amongst family, were you are supposed to feel safe and comfortable, I felt awkward and out of place.  Even when I got to see my favorite cousin, and only a few of you will know who that is, I felt different.  Like my skin had suddenly turned a funky shade of purple.  It was really good to see him though and he gave me that look that only he knows how to give, and I laughed with him.  But I didn’t feel like I belonged and I didn’t like that feeling. 

Anyways that’s the strange state of mind I’m in right now.  I’m still apartment searching with no luck, I have a job as soon as I get finger printed.  But I feel like my life has no direction, no purpose.  I’m not sure if this is a midlife crisis or just a strange point in my life but I don’t like it.  I guess I’ve been thinking about life a lot lately because of my grandma’s death.  It was scary seeing someone you grew up with in a coffin, dead and not moving.  It’s a hard feeling to express and I know I could never do it justice.  All I know is that I feel strange and I don’t understand my life right now.  It’s a bad place to be.

On a brighter note my boyfriend and I are finally getting along again.  It was a little rocky there for awhile but it seems to have calmed down again.

On a strange note because my bestest is in NY our mutual ex sent me a text the other day and wanted to talk.  It was strange considering all the mean things he said to her about me.  Men make no sense.

Random thought – how did I let this week get away from me and I haven’t even gone to see my bestest, omg I’m a shitty friend.

I don’t know were this mood came from but I hope it goes away soon, I don’t like feeling like this.  It’s effin cold here at night and I don’t know if I will ever get used to it.  I hate NY wtf am I doing back here.

~Confusion Run’s Rampant