Last Call for the Neanderthal

To all of the men out there, I am afraid that I have some frightening news. Sit down, as this is something that is a bit unnerving. Just give me a second to prepare myself…okay…here goes.

Now, you may have noticed that your body is changing. Your emotions tend to be very erratic and you feel funny whenever you see that cute guy in the hallway at school. That’s okay, don’t be embarrassed, it’s only natural and…hmm, wait a sec. Oh man, that’s the speech that I am practicing to give to my daughters. Sorry, my bad! Hold on, let me look at my notes…oh, here it is. What I’m wanting to tell all of the dudes is that scientists have noticed that the Y chromosome is slowly disappearing.

Umm, what’s with all of the blank stares out there? Didn’t you hear what I just typed? The Y chromosome is fading out of the human gene pool and eventually it will go the way of the dinosaur, or even worse, end up being discussed on The View(shudder).

Okay, I am still seeing a lot of unconcerned faces out there. Hey, guys, listen up, this is important. Quit peeking at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit page and pay attention. What this news means is that whoever carries the Y chromosome is on the shortlist of shows to be cancelled by Nature‘s Biological Calendar(NBC). Anyone want to take a guess as to who carries the Y chromosome? Anyone? Hmm…okay, I’ll tell you who…it’s men! That’s right, us males have apparently been given the pink slip with the note, “Thanks for stopping by, it was fun knowing you.” We have somehow become a novelty item, something to toss into Evolution’s bargain bin.

Now, don’t panic just yet guys. We still have a bit of time before the lights start flashing, announcing last call for us. We can still do a few things before we become just a bonus question on Trivial Pursuit. What I am thinking is that we should go out with a bang! Let’s show the world that hey, we may be being evicted, but we are going to throw one heck of a party before we are tossed into the echoes of history.

Now, we need to start by acknowledging the winners of natural selection. No need to be poor sports about it. We should congratulate the females of our planet. I mean, if you look at it honestly, they deserve to win. If it wasn’t for women, we would still be hairy, grunting beasts, wolfing down our food, and telling each other, “Hey, pull my finger!”

Okay, most of us are still like that, but you have to admit that the world is a much better place with the gals running it. Oh, don’t even start with the “I wear the pants in my family” stuff. If it wasn’t for your woman, you wouldn’t even be able to find you pants.

What I suggest is let’s end our time by celebrating and enjoying the victors and their success. How about surprising your lady with an unexpected hug as she is cooking. Or perhaps having a conversation with her and actually paying attention to what she is saying. Maybe even hand over the TV remote control for a few hours. I know that it will be tough, but you can do it.

Come on guys, we had a good run, but it’s time to start the transition phase and hand the keys of the planet over to the women. Who are we to argue with nature? Eventually, my Amigos, we are going to fade out, like that Clay Aiken fellow…so let’s do it with some style.

Now, for you ladies reading this, you are going to have to recap this entry to your men because I know that they never made it past the first few sentences. You’ll find your guy over on the Penthouse Letters page. And just to let you know, I think that nature made the best choice.

After all, she is one smart lady.

Take care.