A Toast To The Guys Who Get It Done

Let’s talk a little bit about penis envy. I know that this isn’t the usual topic of discussion, but that never has stopped my mindless rambling before. I willingly confess that I have never been burdened by offering a well informed, relevant conversation.

So, I guess I’ll begin our tête-à-tête with another confession. I, Moonliteman, have secretly suffered from penis envy for many years. There, it’s out in the open. I typed it and I am not ashamed. As a matter of fact it feels good to admit it; to let it dangle freely for the whole world to see. Now, hold on a bit before you start jumping to conclusions. Let me clarify exactly which kind of penis envy it is that I have. No, it is not the ’glancing around embarrassedly in the gym locker room’ type of penis envy. The type that I am bothered with is of the more technical strain. I endure the ’wow, I wish I could do that’ form of the affliction. And, I have to bear the ailment on a daily basis.

I have never been a mechanically adept sort of guy. Even the most basic repair job, say replacing the blades on a windshield wiper, end up disastrous. No joke, once a girlfriend of mine asked me to do that for her car and by the time it was finished, she had to have her engine rebuilt. Sadly, that was one of my more successful ventures.

Now, I tried to hide my shortcomings, but to no avail. I seem to glow like a neon sign that says “don’t let this guy around any power tools!“ I have to wear an electronic ankle bracelet that sounds a high pitched alarm whenever I get within three hundred feet of a hardware store. Luckily, I have a support group that keeps me out harm’s way. My brothers-in-law, John and Matt, both are blessed with fixer-upper skills that I could never imagine myself having. Whether it’s a car, or a house, or anything that has moving parts, these guys know how to fix it. I have lost count of how many times that these two have saved my bacon when something of mine needs to be patched up. Even my girls have learned to call their uncles before I get my hands on the project. I admit that it is a tad embarrassing when my offspring call them to put a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser, but seeing how the last time that I did it we ended up having to put on a new roof, I guess that I can somewhat understand my girl’s hesitancy in letting me redeem myself.

And now we come to the real point of this long winded entry. Listen up ladies, this message is for you. The next time that your man leaves his socks on the floor, or forgets to put the seat down, or anything from the endless list of irritating behavior, take a second and think before you launch your attack. Think about how this guy takes care of the stuff that makes your life a little better. Think about the times that he changes a flat tire for you. Or, how about when he battles those beady eyed spiders that look so menacing. All that you have to do is ask(hopefully in a nice manner) and your man does his best to take care of you.

Sure, you can argue that your partner could be more romantic, or more polished, or at least pay more attention to you. But, try to remember that guys pay attention to their gals by doing things for them. Believe it or not, it is your happiness that he is working hard for.

So, on this upcoming Valentine’s day go easy on your man if he doesn’t show up in a horse drawn carriage to whisk you off to the ball. Take a long look at the fellow and remember that although he may be a little lacking in the romance department, he makes up for it by being there when you need him.

And if you still need some convincing, the next time you need something fixed around the house, just give me a call. After seeing ten minutes of my handiwork, I guarantee that you will have a new appreciation for your companion.

Well, I have to go. I think that I have a leak in my gas stove because the house is full of the smell of propane. Now where did I put those matches…

Take care.