Venting in Math!

*Written and then typed*
Well, now here i am in my Math class writing this out, hoping to get it typed up in my online diary. I’m so wasted…I’m dead tired and sick and tired of school. I can’t wait until the semester is over! I’m not even looking forward to the spring semester. I’m so wanting to drop out, but I know I shouldn’t. I’m just having a really hard time because I really don’t know what I’m going to major in. It makes me feel like I’m wasting my time. There’s nothing I can look forward to and there’s nothing that sounds interesting to me. Blach, I’m even starting to get sick of my job. The guy I don’t like hasn’t even been there and I still don’t like working there. If the right job came along I think I’d have no problem taking it. I’ve been thinking and I think I just need a change in my life. Lately I”ve been quite depressed. I mean everything with Matt is perfect…for the most part…when I say that I mean that our relationship is fine but when it comes to our sex life it could use some help. I didn’t know any other way to put it…sorry it was blunt. Anyways, what I”m saying is that i”m just so stressed out and tired all the time that I’m never in the mood. Usually, when I am it’s after Matt has bugged me forever. This can’t be normal for a couple who’s only been married for 9 months. Can it? I’m hoping it gets better after we’re out of school.
The major thing bugging me lately is my weight. This was the major topic of my last entry, but it’s really bugging me. Actually my appearance overall. I mean I just feel like shit. I’m fat! I haven’t had a hair cut/color since like my wedding. So, I hardly ever do anything with my hair, I dress like crap because none of my clothes fit me. I have two pair of pants that I wear and they are getting worn out. I don’t want to go shopping and buy anymore because to go shopping and trying them on gets me all depressed. It’s to the point that I am embarrassed to be seen by anyone I know. If I see someone I know, I try as hard as I can to avoid them. I just just don’t have time to do anything about it. It really sucks! I have done Tae BO four of the last 5 nights. I plan on doing it tonight too and it seems to be helping but I really need to pay more attentiont to what I eat. Which is impossible because I’m depressed and I’m the type of depressed person that wants to eat. I’m affraid if I keep it up I’m going to end up bellumic. No joke! Everytime I put something in my mouth and swallow I’m tepted to throw up. I’ve been really close a couple of times. It’s impossible for me to be anorexic. Just don’t have enought will power. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m trying to be any of those things. I’d prefer to do it a healthier way and believe me I’m trying. Hmmmph..depressing
Like I said, I just need a change. Once school is over I’ll have more time…here’s my list of short term goals.
Lose weight (currently working on…kinda considered a long term too)
Get a hair cut and color
Buy a new pair of pants(size smaller)
Be a wife! (cleaingin, cooking, etc!)
Those are the major ones..and I know I can do it once school is over with!