My Happiness :o)

Well, here I am again, at 4:50 in the morning.  I think I’m slowly getting used to this graveyard crap.  Just as soon as I get used to it I’ll be switching shifts, but oh well, can’t beat the money.  I can’t wait to get my first check.  This job should get me all caught up financially, then I can save some money, and life will be just dandy. 

I hope and pray everyday that this guy I’m with works out.  I was so distant at first, and now I just can’t help myself.  I’m finding myself thinking about things I told myself I’d never do or do again.  I’ve told him from day one that I was not interested in guys, I in no way wanted a relationship.  Look where I’ve found myself lol…I’m not complaining.  I told myself I wasn’t going to have sex with him and…well I knew it would eventually happen, but I made him wait a while, and he was perfectly ok with that.  When it finally did happen I just flat out told him that he better not screw me over and he promised me that he wouldn’t.  (It was awesome by the way LMAO)  So far…he hasn’t and I don’ t think he has it in him to ever do it…but I’m always trying to see the best in everyone lol, bites me in the ass everytime.  It’s only been a few months and he has just scared the shit out of me so many itmes, and it’s not typical things that I should be scared of.  We were laying there one night and out of the blue he asks "Do you think you ever want to get married again?" I was like what the hell and he totally knew it scared the shit out of me.  I was honest with him, I just told him that a month ago (before I met him) I was totally against it, I didn’t want to do it again and I was never going to do it again.  Not because my marriage was bad before, I just don’t want to go through all the bullshit again.  I told him I thought marriage was totally over rated.  I told him that my idea had changed, but if I ever did do it again it wouldn’t be anytime soon and I would have to know 100% sure that it was going to last.  He asked what my mom would think about it and I just told him that if we went and did it tomorrow (which I would in no way ever let it happen that soon) then she’d freak out..but if it were WAY later on down the road I don’t think she’d have a problem.  I think the reason he asked is because he is a bit older than me but my mom knows this and honestly hasn’t said anything bad about it.  I think she’s finally accepting the fact I am divorced and I am moving on with my life. 

Anyways I could go on forever, but I got to get back to work…..