Loooong Entry—Opinion Needed!

If you’d like to skip all the boring stuff the opinion I need is in bold….so skip right do it lol

Been meaning to get an entry put in this thing.  Pretty bored today.  Meant to write a couple of weeks ago.  Happy Birthday to me!  On the 16th lol.  I had a pretty ok birthday.  Actually it was one of the better birthdays.  You’d think my 21st would have been better…but definitely 22 is better.  Kinda crazy to think I’m 22…dunno why..it’s just 22 and there’s nothing special about it, but its crazy.  I guess it just makes me realize that I am starting to grow up…what the hell I am an adult lol.  It’s kinda to the point I’m just wanting to get my life straightened out and live it.  It kinda sucks because getting married at 18 made me feel like I was 22 at 18.  Did that make any sense? lol  I just needed some time to live life…be young…hell be immature, wild, crazy and have fun.  This past year I guess I have done that.  I’m getting a little tired of that.  I mean don’t get me wrong I’m all for having fun and what not, but I am ready to settle down.  Not saying with someone…but just settle down, get my finances in order and get back in school and just take it as it comes. 

I’m loving my job.  I’ve been training this past week.  They are training me to do the shipping managers job, I’ll basically be the assistant shipping manager I guess you could say.  She wants to take a week vacation here in a week or so…so that leaves me…by myself.  We have a new supervisor…well he’s in the process off taking over, so the old one is still there, but it’s all kind of a mess lol.  Lastnight before we left we all got our buts chewed because it was a really slow day and he got out of there a half an hour late.  I know they weren’t pointing fingers at anyone or anything and I also know that I have nothing to feel guilty about because I work my butt off.  I mean if I see something that needs done, whether its my job or not, I get it done.  Where I work is all about teamwork and if there’s no teamwork it just doesn’t work.  There are some people that hopefully will realize that very soon. 

Anyways, enough about work.  Lastnight I stopped into the bar after work and drank a few beers met a few people, and talked to a few people I haven’t seen in a while.  And a few I have seen recently lol.  There’s this guy that I have known about a year I guess now, and I met him in this bar and…I noticed him in there a couple months before I was actually introduced to him.  The night I met him it was just kinda like…a major attraction, I felt, maybe it was just alcohol, who knows.  got his number that night and he got mine and I didn’t really expect him to call but he did the next day.  Asked me if I wanted to go get a beer sometime and so I said of course so that Monday I met up with him and had a beer with him.  From day one me and him have always been comfortable with eachother, able to talk to eachother, everything it’s just really nice.  We have had sex….many times…lol.  To me it’s never been all about that, but in a way I think it has been with him.  I’m not really sure.  I mean we’re good friends, but he’s made it plain as day he’s not looking for a relationship in any way.  Which is fine because I’m not either…I guess I am in a way…but I’m not.  I can’t really explain that.  I mean I like this guy, for some reason he’s just found a place in my heart unlike anyone else I’ve met in the past year.  I’ve met a lot of people this past year and they all have that special place in my heart, but not like him.  There’s something different about him.  I think the only downside to it all is the age difference…I need people’s opinion on this part

Is age really a factor in a relationship?

Before I say how big of an age difference there is I want people’s opinions.  What it comes down to is the only reason it bothers either one of us is because we are worried what others will think.  Which shouldn’t matter, right?  Anyways, with a little bit of liquid courage, no I wasn’t drunk, but I told him how I was feeling.  I just let him know that from day one I’ve always told him that I think the world of him, and I do, I admire him in so many ways, I just love everything about him, but he has found a place in my heart.  It’s just one of them things I had to do for my own peace of mind, I had to tell him so that I would never have to say…"what if I had just told him".  I’ve always led him to believe our relationship was more of a ‘friends with benefits’ type deal and I guess in a way now I’m scared that now that I have told him exactly how I feel it will mess up the friendship, which would be horrible.  I mean if he doesn’t feel the same way that’s fine, I feel we can still be friends.  I think…that’s always tough….anyways…I didn’t have enough courage to actually tell him face to face or even on the phone, I did it through text….and he tried calling 4 or 5 times after that and I didn’t answer it…I couldn’t…I was a chicken shit!  I’m just so sure I know what he wanted to say.  He wanted to go on and on about how he knew that this would happen because all women are always looking for a relationship, and that’s just not what he wants, and he can’t do that because…of the age…and blah blah…so I avoided him…and he texted me asking why I wouldn’t answer…and got a little pissed off and I’m sure he’s still pissed off….I know that i need to face it.  If anything I’m already expecting the worse, so what can it hurt….though hearing it from him would be so much more real and…I’d feel like a dumbass lol.  I’m thinking tonight, I know he’s pretty busy today, I’m going to call him up and say hey..we need to go talke…face to face…I’m tired of hiding behind my phone…me and him used to sit and talk for hours and hours about anything and everything so I know we are comfortable enough to sit and talk…we just need to do it, we haven’t in a while…..so…wish me luck….

Like I said, I’m not completely looking for a relationship, I haven’t even dated since I have been divorced.  The closest thing to I date I’ve been on was when I went and had a beer with this guy.  But like I said I feel something with and for this guy and I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I would like to know what could happen with it….

Anyways I’m totally just rambling so I think I may clean up this house and go take a shower….

Give me your opinion on the age thing….thanks