Update.

I haven’t written much lately, but that’s because nothing seems significant enough to write about.  I spent the last year or so complaining about my (ex) BF and how depressed I was, and then I briefly wrote about the FWB I had.  Both are gone.  So there isn’t the typical internal drama going on anymore.  I guess I could do what I used to do when I was in high school . . . just write about daily mundane things that happened to me.  It was actually kind of fun to go back and read all the stuff.  I am thankful that those toxic people are out of my life now, though.

So, I was sick over the weekend.  I thought it was allergies at first, but it got progressively worse.  I’m getting a little better now.  I woke up this morning feeling pretty shitty, but I didn’t have much time to think about it, because I had a text from my brother that my mom had borrowed my car and got a flat tire.  The tire Lugnut thingy is in my purse, so he had to leave work to come get me to take me to work, then drop off the Lugnut thingy to her at the tire place.  I have so much bad luck with fucking tires.  But it’s probably because I drove 45 minutes to work for almost 2 years.  I don’t have to do that anymore.  I guess I can just be glad it didn’t happen while I was driving it.  Hahaha.  And she paid for the new tire and everything, so that’s good.

I still feel really foggy in the head.  It’s hard to concentrate.  I just want to sleep.

I think I’m taking this next year to focus just on myself.  I’m saving up to get a new place.  I could have already done that, but I’m helping the ex pay rent, so he doesn’t go homeless.  I don’t know how long I’ll do it.  I know I shouldn’t even be doing it now, but I don’t know.  I don’t know how or when to stop.  Anyway, I’m also taking this time to lose more weight and work on my appearance.  Next week I have an appointment to have a scar looked at on my face that I’m self-conscious of to see if they can do anything about it.  The place I’m going to also does liposuction, so I’m thinking I might ask about that as well.  I do have good credit, and I could do some financing options.  It’s just something to think about.  I would mention it to my ex sometimes and he would always immediately shut it down, saying we need to save money for a better place.  But we couldn’t ever save money because he was always blowing it.  And I’m betting he wouldn’t have liked if I did get liposuction and was suddenly much more attractive to other men.  I remember he would make comments about how I needed to lose weight, but anytime I tried to eat healthier, it’s like he would sabotage it and get junk.  And I would mention going to the gym and he was like, “But there will be guys there that hit on you.”

Fuck.  I hate thinking about him.  I got a few books on covert narcissism and they really helped me get through the first couple months.  Now I’ve started reading another book about narcissistic abuse and how to recover, and every time I pick it up to read it, I start thinking about all the things he did to me and how angry it makes me.  So I usually can’t read it for longer than 20-30 minutes.

I need to start writing again.  I mean writing my books.  I have a whole book series planned out in my head, and since I got with that douche-copter, I never had time or energy to work on it.  I finished the first book, and I started on the second one.  The idea of it makes me excited.  I feel like it’s a really good idea, but I just haven’t had the energy.  I’ve been feeling better lately (aside from getting sick over the weekend), so I really need to start writing again.  I miss it.  I usually write better when I’m not in a relationship and when I’m not concentrating on anyone else (including situationships).  My situationship is over now, I guess.  I saw on FB he asked his crazy, psychotic GF to marry him.  Fucking idiot.  That’s all I want to say about that, other than, I guarantee he’ll be back.  He’s come back to me like 3-4 times already.  And people don’t change.  Not people like him, anyway.

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say.  I just wanted to update.  I know it’s just boring/mundane crap, but hey, it’s something.