I Lie.

I lied.  As much as I want it to be true, it’s almost impossible for me to have sex with someone and not have some sort of feelings for them.   I lie and say I’m cool with it.  I’m fine.  But I’m not.  I cannot seem to separate my feelings and getting physically intimate.   But boy does it seem so fucking easy for them.   How is it so easy to not love me?   How is it always so easy to use me and walk away from me…only to find someone better who you ACTUALLY do want to be with?  What is so horribly wrong with me?   I know there’s something, but none of them have to balls to tell me what it is.  I’m so broken and I don’t think I’ll ever heal.

I always wanted that text message out of the blue from someone telling me they miss me and how much they need me in their life.  But I never get things like that.   What is wrong with me?