Cats, Hearing Voices, and Potential Writing.

Cats are so fucking funny.  Even when they are being ass-holes, they are still funny.  My cat tried to wake me up an hour earlier than I needed to this morning.  I tried to ignore him, hoping he’d give up, but Dexter is an adorable, persistent ass-hole.  He was literally tapping my shoulder with his paw.  I finally got up and followed him.  He was literally looking back at me as he walked to make sure I was following him.  He took me to his food bowl, which was already so full it was OVERFLOWING.  I was like, “Dexter.  There is food already there.”  He just looked at it, then looked at me expectantly.  He doesn’t like to eat what’s already there.  He likes it fresh from the bag.  So I poured like 5 little kitty kibbles on top, and he was satisfied.  He went to chomp-town on it.  I went right back to bed, hoping for another 45 minutes of sleep.  Nope.  Less than 5 minutes later, he’s back.  He starts just walking all over me.  Tried to ignore it.  He tried to lay on my side, unsuccessfully, and he fell off.  He did finally give up, but he ended up flopping his fat body on one of my feet, then began to groom himself so aggressively, he was shaking me and the whole bed.  I gave up on sleep and just laid there, letting him shake me, and listening to the gross sounds of him licking himself.  Even though I was irritated, I couldn’t help but still be amused.  I love that adorable bastard.

So, in other news, my mom has started hearing voices again.  It happens about every 3-6 months.  They never gave her an official diagnosis.  It seems no one wants to try hard enough to figure out what it is.  They said it’s not schizophrenia.  I suggested dementia and I’ve even heard that depressive episodes can be so bad that people have hallucinations and hear things.  She also had a very traumatic childhood because her father was an emotionally, physically, sexually abusive fuck-wad.  I’d like to piss on that mother-fucker’s grave.  He not only ruined her life, but all of her sisters’ and her mother’s lives.  And it’s a trickle-down effect, as well.  Because she was so fucked up, she couldn’t be a decent parent to me.  She was never present.  Always sleeping, depressed, and she never got a great education, so she’s not the smartest person.  She had boundary and control issues.  So I can only get along with her when I DON’T have to spend more than a few hours with her.

Anyway, she takes meds for the voices, but sometimes she doesn’t.  My brother seems to think she actually IS taking her meds right, she’s just reached a certain point where she’s just really fucked up right now.  I don’t know what to do.  We’ve sent her places that help her for a few days, she gets better for just a little while, then it starts all over again.  As insensitive as it sounds, it’s always something with her.  Even before all the voices, she would have some sort of mysterious ailment every few months when she wasn’t getting enough attention.  She’d go to the emergency room, only to be told there was nothing wrong.  I’m just so tired of everything.  It’s all so exhausting.

I really need to start writing again.  I wrote my first book and posted it on inkitt.  It’s gotten a lot of reads and I’ve had a few requests for the 2nd book.  I’ve started on it, but I got kind of stuck.  I’ve got this whole 7 book series planned out, but I’ve just been so depressed, it hasn’t been a priority.  I really need to try.  I miss writing and being excited about my work.