A Year Ago

I know I mostly write whenever I’m feeling down, but I just had this thought earlier today…

If a year ago today you would have told me that I would not be with douche-copter anymore, down 30 pounds, got 2 new awesome tattoos, have indigo hair, have had scar revision surgery, have tickets to a Halocene concert in Nashville with my best friend, have tickets to a paranormal event at Waverly Hills to meet some ghost hunting celebrities, have had sex with Troy, and made out with my hot tattoo artist… I wouldn’t have believed you.  Like, a year ago, all of those things would have sounded fun, but impossible.  Like, I would’ve never thought any of this could happen.  Yeah, I’ve been hurt.  But it’s also been pretty fucking fun despite that.  I guess that’s one way to look at it.

I did talk to Otha the other night.  I messaged him.  I was just feeling really shitty and in a vulnerable state and I just needed to.  He said he’s just reallly bad at texting.  He said he does want me to text him as much as I want.  When I mentioned hanging out, though, he didn’t really give me a straight answer.  I figure between his co-worker, Rhonda being obsessed with him and not wanting him to date anyone, having kids, and living with his baby mama who also doesn’t want him to date anyone, it seems like he’s choosing to cater to people around him and being complacent rather than taking a risk and maybe enjoying life a little bit more.  That’s that version of this I’m going to tell myself.  Because it truly doesn’t make sense that he would change his mind overnight, because he seemed REALLY into me when we hung out.  So many things he said and did, made me think it could be something more.  I’ll just leave him alone.  Maybe in a few months, I’ll go back to him again for another tattoo.  There is one I have been wanting for YEARS.  I want pumpkins and vines down my side because I love fall and Halloween.  I’m betting he could put his own unique spin on it too.  I need to lose more weight before I do that, though.  I have an appointment with the plastic surgery place that fixed my facial scar.  They are going to see if they can do liposuction or a tummy tuck on my stomach.  Because I gained then lost so much weight so quickly, I now have loose skin that won’t go away with diet or exercise.  So, I’ll fix all that, then go back to him for this tattoo I’ve been wanting.

I am so happy that things are so different than they were a year ago.  You could not PAY me to go back to that abusive jerk.  It feels like such a relief not going home to him every night.  I go home to people that actually enjoy my presence and like to have fun and laugh.  They don’t care about messes or things being out of place.  They just like having fun and enjoying each other’s company.  What a different/better feeling.