Feeling like poop…

I called into work today… I’m not feeling so well… Pretty sure it’s not the “rona”…  I just have cold chills, no fever, cough, runny nose and I’m just drained.  I work so hard, so much, all the time, two jobs and being a Mom…  I’m exhausted and I think it finally all caught up to me.  My body is saying “slow down.”

I was trying to pull a twelve hour shift yesterday, and my husband was mad at me because I was trying to work…  It’s so stupid… he can get overtime, but I’m not allowed to.  He gets mad at me for doing it.  I haven’t understood why.  I told him I was helping work freight and he told me that’s not my job title, and I told him he doesn’t sign my paychecks, and I do what I am told by management.

I’m a little soar today because I’m not used to doing all of that stuff!  Plus, it all boiled down to getting sick as well. LOL

My stress levels are high, My best friends are moving away, I cannot get that apartment, because I cannot live there and make it on my own, plus, after being there, it’s a dirty shit hole and not a place for me to raise my kids.  So, I’m here… Still living in the broken home…  I’ll get there one day.  Just get things paid off, and I am set to go!  I got this!

Yesterday, My husband sent me a text of a pistol and wanted to know if he could buy it.  I asked him why.  We are trying to pay shit off, and and wants to purchase a $600 pistol?  Plus, he made me sell mine?!?!?!  I told him I wanted a Glock 9 MM and he told me they are junk.  I was like.. um… no… highly recommended for law enforcement, and they come with an amazing warranty, plus if you purchase the Glock straight through them, they make any free custom modifications for free, and they are accurate.  So… no….  Anything I like, he always makes it sound like its a stupid idea or its dumb.

For instance, I wanted to go fishing…  He told me I’m not going to catch anything because it rained too much and the water is too murky, and it would be a waste of time.  Ok… So… First of all, he doesn’t know that I’m not going to catch anything, and second of all, it doesn’t matter, because all I want to do is get out of the City, enjoy nature, me and my time with God.  That’s all I want.  If I catch something great! If I don’t, then, I don’t!

I’m a country girl… Born and raised in Nebraska.  A place I would love to move back home to and call it home.  The rolling hills of prairies and creeks, and the most beautiful sunsets you will ever see!  The place where nobody is always in a rush, not fast paced, and most of all, I’ll be home closer to my Mom and Dad.  They are getting older, and I would like to spend as much time as possible with them.  Their time is limited these days… I want to be able to be there and spend time with them.

Watching my parents get older sucks, it actually bothers me, I don’t ever want them to die, I will miss them like no other, they are the ones with absolute true love towards me, and you just can’t find that on a street corner.  I know it’s life, and it’s something that I don’t think any child can prepare themselves for.  I try to call them when I can, I try to visit when I can… with this Corona Virus Crap, it’s so hard to no go and see them.

I must get going… I’m gonna take a nap