Entry 3 – Opening up

Good evening, my loves!

So today, I’d just like to open up with you all about my anxiety.

Little background story, I’ve suffered from anxiety since a young age. I’m not sure why, but my mum thinks it’s due to my abandonment issues. I don’t think that’s the case, because that is the part of the reason why I have got BPD.  My anxiety has always ran my life. I never did things I wanted, like cliff jumping when I lived in wales for a number of years, or try and proceed higher into my job role. I’ve always had little voices and thoughts that I would’t do as well as the others, and I would get nervous and jittery.

In work today, we got told that the area manager was coming in to check the store and to score us out of 50. Considering this was my 4th shift, this panicked me. So, instantly, I began making mistakes, and doing little things to try and keep myself occupied. This manager was meant to be in store by 1.30PM and be gone by 2.15PM. He did not make an appearance until 4.45PM! This angered me because I had been panicking my entire shift waiting for him to walk in. I had made many mistakes, I had four panic attacks and I ended up cutting my finger on the till😂

But my colleagues are the best kind of people. I’ve felt do welcomed in my store by all my colleagues, and between every panic attack, my colleagues would laugh with me or dance around me, grabbing my hands to dance with them. So of course I felt better afterwards. I managed to sell about 15 add ons of gold and silver pens for 99p each, by pricing each one and telling customers that these kinds of pens show up better on red envelopes etc better than blue or black biros. And i managed to get at least 7 surverys in my store.

But with my anxiety, it really ruined my day. I’ve come home and snapped at my family because of the frustration I’m feeling, and I’m so tired that I keep falling asleep on myself when I still have so much to do tonight before I go into college tomorrow morning. So I guess I’m just a little stressed.

But that’s all from me tonight, feel free to comment or ask questions.

Xoxo Miss No Name