I’m full on tweaking

This time next week we’ll be sleeping in a new place. I don’t know how this snuck up on me so quickly! Phil has been packing things here and there the last few days and I was kind of annoyed – like what if we need that before we go? But, EEK, a week!! I’m not mentally prepared at all, I sense a meltdown coming on. This is where I got ready before my wedding, the first place we brought Buster home to, where Riley was conceived and where my water broke! It’s the place where we became a family. Yeah it’s a crappy house and our landlord is one fry short of a Happy Meal, but I’m attached, dammit.

We close on Wednesday, my mom and sister are coming down to help me paint the master and one wall of the living room (due to time constraints – we’ll do the rest later, but want to get the wall going behind the entertainment center done since it’s hard to move once in place), and Saturday is the big move. We technically have this place until the end of the month so a few non-essential odds and ends can stay behind, but the goal is to get to the bulk of it moved Saturday.

I’ve been having a shitty time of it socially, I don’t know what else to do. We go to 2 different playgroups a week and I really like one more than the other. I’m thinking of giving up Tuesdays, I almost feel like we get ignored because of my parenting style. It’s disheartening, too, because people are always exchanging numbers and planning outside get togethers and no one asks us. The girls at Stroller Strides are really nice, but most of them work and can’t really get together during the week (and I work weekends). One of my coworkers has a daughter around Riley’s age and every week says "We should get together for real!" but when I text she doesn’t respond (she’s one of them a few weekends ago who "didn’t remember" our plans to go out after work). It makes me want to scream. I basically went to Maine last week just to have people to hang out with. My sister and I went out to the bars Thursday night while my parents babysat and Friday we took Riley to a farm/petting zoo we used to frequent growing up, it was awesome. I didn’t want to come home 😛

It feels stupid to complain since we’re getting out and socializing, but there’s a difference between being around people and really connecting with people.

I was bitching to Jeff tonight and his response was "And these people are your friends??" I kind of hemmed and hawed and finally was like no not really. I want to be included with them because I’m lonely and want to feel like I’m wanted, but if I have to act a certain way to get included I guess I can’t call them friends. He told me not to feel bad because his one good friend moved to CO and he doesn’t really hang out with any guys much anymore. I think I probably came across as a little bit pathetic, but he was very sweet. As luck would have it we weren’t very busy at work tonight and I was able to hang out with him almost the whole time. The stars even aligned and we were able to take same dinner. Having him on my weekends is really great, actually. I still haven’t found my niche on the evening shift, even after a year, and some nights find myself really missing my day shift friends. To the point I get in a funk. I have issues.

Now it’s 2 AM and I should probably get up with Riley tomorrow since it is Father’s Day and all. Poor Phil hasn’t slept in in I don’t know how long. He gets up all week for work, then takes baby duty on the weekends so I can sleep in. Granted it’s usually because I’m up hours in the middle of the night with R and overall get less sleep, but still. She’s sleeping through now that a number of teeth have cut and it’s not Phil’s fault I stay up all hours of the night. Once a night owl always a night owl, I guess.

I have some adorable pictures from our farm trip (and R’s first ice cream! – judge away) but who knows when I’ll get them up. Hopefully before next weekend! I better make sure our internet gets switched with no interruption lol. Don’t know if I’ll make it otherwise.

Roughly a week to go before we find out if number 2 is on the way! I don’t know if I’m hoping it worked first month trying again or if I really need a couple more lol. I guess maybe I’ll be happy with either result then 🙂