10/15/2013

It’s been so long since I’ve written I don’t even know where to start.  I feel like kind of a lot has happened.  I’m sure this entry will be a giant jumbly mess that is very out of order, but oh well.

I guess I should start with Tomorrowworld.  I had a really good time, but I spent the majority of it by myself.  By some strange coincidence (and a higher power that must hate me…) I saw Brad 3 times at Tomorrowworld, but managed to avoid him all three times.  The first night I was down at the pre-party with everyone I was camping with and one of the girls with us had an LED hula hoop.  A random girl wearing a blue wig came up and asked her if she could borrow it.  The next thing I see is BRAD taking a video of said wig girl using hoop…she was his new girlfriend!  As soon as I saw him I freaked out and grabbed my friend Megan and told her I saw him and ran to the bathroom.  I guess she must have talked to him after that but when I came back they were gone…thank God! But seriously…out of the fucking 140,000 people there SHE HAD TO BORROW MY FRIENDS HOOP?! The next day he text me asking me if I had seen him and I lied and said no and he told me about how he saw Megan…heh.  Then I saw him and his gf 2 more times randomly on 2 other days, but just walked off quickly in the opposite direction.  He texted me all weekend and when they got home…I WISH HE WOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!  Isn’t breaking my heart and leaving me to go to Tomorrowworld alone punishment enough? =/ It was nice being alone though because I could go and see whichever DJs I wanted to without worrying about anyone else. =)  The group of people I camped with were really nice…I knew Robb, who I shared a tent with.  I guess everyone thought we were sleeping together, which we totally did not (not for lack of trying on his part).

Overall the experience was amazing and I learned that I CAN do things on my own and still enjoy them.  Maybe I am stronger than I know.

Anyway. So then I come home and back to boring old life.  I’m really starting to feel very lonely lately.  I can’t even really talk to Grace about anything anymore.  I don’t know why.  I’ve just not felt like telling her anything ever since our giant fight the night of Life in Color.  Sometimes it doesn’t really seem like she cares anyway, and I know she has her own problems to deal with.  I really miss James…at least I could always count on him and he would always listen to me…but not anymore. =(

So…last Sunday I think it was I was messing around on facebook and noticed some very old friend requests.  Some people I denied but there was one guy, Rob, (WHY is everyone named Rob?!) who was pretty cute and we had a few mutual friends, so I added him.  He messaged me and asked me if we knew each other and we just started talking from there.  He is living in North Carolina now (he’s from the area I live in though) and is a welder.  We have talked mostly all day ever since then.  He’s super sweet and I know he is really into me.  He is coming back here on Oct. 31 and staying for 2 weeks for his sister’s wedding.  He asked me to be his date and I said okay though it might be kind of weird and scary meeting his whole family!  I hope things work out.

Here’s where the confusing (and dumb on my part) stuff comes in.  There was a guy named Alex who was camping with us at Tomorrowworld…he came with Robb & the other couple that was with him.  I thought he was extremely cute from the first moment I saw him, but me being me figured there was no way he could be interested in me!  We talked a lot during the festival and hung out for a good portion of the day one day.  Anyway…this past weekend was Booty Halloween, St. Louis’s annual Halloween rave.  As I was going in I saw Robb & Alex show up so I said hi to them.  Randomly kept seeing Alex all night long.  He asked what I was doing afterwards and I told him about this after party my friend was playing at and gave him my number so he could get the address from me after the party.  We both wandered off and then I ran into him again when I went outside to smoke.  I sat beside him and we talked for awhile and then hung out the rest of the night.  I asked him if he wanted to ride w/me to the after party and I could bring him back to his truck later, which was at Robb’s house.  Soooo long story short we went to the after party together, I sat on his lap and we flirted hard core…he came back to my friends hotel with me afterwards for a bit and then I brought him home so he could let his dog out.  He told me I could sleep at his place for a bit if I wanted so we both climbed into his bed and had sex…3 times =)  It was nice…and now I’m stuck.  I like Alex.  I realized that during all the time we spent talking.  We seem to have a lot in common and he’s a really nice guy.  He talked about how he read a 1,000 page book 7-8 times just to understand it…that really shocked me as he doesn’t look like the type to do such a thing.  That’s why I like him…he’s surprising. =) I should never have slept with him, and I know that.  Now he probably just sees me as some slut girl instead of the cool, fun girl he has hung out with a few times.  He has my number, but I doubt I hear from him.  He told me at Tomorrowworld that he was looking for a relationship, not just someone to fuck.  Now I feel like I totally ruined that. Also, when we were at the after party after Booty Halloween someone asked how long we had been together and we said we weren’t and that we had met at Tomorrowworld…then he said that he did think I was hot from the moment he saw me… =)

Besides, I now have Rob to think about…I know he wants me to be his girlfriend, but we obviously need to meet in person first.  I have wanted to be someone’s girlfriend for so long…but now that I have the chance I’m freaking out and wondering if I really am ready to settle down…WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! 

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