09/16/2013
Blah. That’s how I feel right now.
I hate guys, seriously.
And sometimes I hate myself. But we all know that already.
I kind of sabotaged things with Rob. I think I do this when I’m not entirely comfortable with things. I just pick dumb fights and keep pushing and pushing and even I know I’m being crazy but I just.can’t.stop.
I feel like maybe I could text him and apologize and say I know I was being crazy and he would forgive me…but I just don’t know if I want to. Part of me thinks maybe I’m only doing that because it was nice to have company and someone to hang out with. I dunno. Why am I so fucked up? I don’t know what to do.
Sunday morning when I was laying in bed watching a movie on TV Justin randomly texted me. He said "What’s up Patrick Swayze from Ghost"…I MEAN REALLY?!?!? WTF?! He is the one who disappeared, not me! If that’s what he even meant by that! Who knows? This also makes me wonder like what if he tried texting me and I never got it and he thought I just wasn’t talking to him? I don’t know. I’m probably reading too much into things. We chatted for a short time and then he asked me what I was doing that day and I said I was trying to figure that out and asked what he was doing. He said homework and work and then I said that sounds exciting and told him that was my only day off all week…he said nothing after that…
WHY DO I CARE?
Obviously he DOES NOT like me but I can’t help having that small hope… =(
That’s so dumb of me.
The only thing that keeps giving me hope is that I know how awkward he is at dating and talking to chicks he is into…and I am the same way. So it’s kind of like what if we are both just being too awkward and scared and that’s why things are so strange?
I need to stop coming up with excuses…
On the brighter side of life…I got a new (used) car this weekend! It’s a 2011 Chevy Cruze…I love it! =)
So pretty!!!
Also, James texted me on Sunday. I went to his house to talk and he said basically he has a crush on me and that’s why he gets jealous and acts all dumb when we go out. I didn’t really know what to say…so I guess we just aren’t going to hang out for awhile. This makes me really sad. I wish he would just get over it and we could be friends again. I miss my best friend. =(
That’s all for now.