08/26/2013
Meh.
I’m not sure I even know where to start so bear with me! =P
Ok so Friday. I went home after work and ran, took a shower and all that. Justin was texting me from work the whole time. He was trying to convince Sean to come out. He asked me to have James text Sean and see if he was going so I asked James and he said he would. I just told James that Sean RSVP’d yes to the FB invite so James should see if he’s going (I don’t have Sean’s # and Justin doesn’t have James’ #). Anyway a bit later Justin says Sean decided to go and he was up at Justin’s work waiting for him to get off! I loaded up my car and headed over to James’ house. Brought my clothes for the next day and everything inside and then James drove us to the bar. We get there and hang out with my friends who are there already, get drinks, etc. Sean and Justin show up about an hour or 2 later. We are all having a good time and then I decide I want a cigarette so I asked Justin for one and me, him and Sean went outside on the patio to smoke (can’t smoke inside bars where I live!). While out there we sat down at a table that had a bunch of random drinks on it. We poured some beer and half of a random shot into one of the cups that was out there with something already in it and then we all 3 put our cig butts in there. Justin tried getting Sean to drink it for $50 and he wouldn’t. Some random overheard and said he would drink half of the glass for $50. So much debate starts occurring and eventually the dude does it and Justin takes a video. So because of all this we are out there for awhile. When we go back in, it’s almost time to go so I closed my tab and then they start kicking people out. Things are a little hazy at this point, but I remember James being pissy (I guess about us leaving him to go smoke and taking too long, I have no clue) and throws a fit. I get pissed at him and walk off down the street. Justin later told me James turned around at the exact same time and walked in the opposite direction. Justin came after me and James just disappeared and left I guess. So I had to ride back with Justin and Sean. All my things were in James’ house (including my car keys) so we dropped off Sean and Justin took me to his house and said he would bring me to get my stuff in the morning. So then he gives me some shorts to wear and we sit on his bed and play with his dog for awhile and listen to music. Then we decide to lay down and he kissed me and we just started making out…it was so awesome <3…one thing led to another and yeah we did it! I was kind of feeling like maybe I should make him wait but I was drunk-ish and we HAVE been talking non stop for like 2 weeks now so whatever. Then we both passed out. Woke up when his alarm went off at 10 so he could take me back to get my car and stuff. We laid in bed and played with his puppy for like 20 minutes before we got up lol! I was pissed off that James didn’t even try calling or texting me or anything to make sure I was ok. Justin dropped me off at James’ and I rang the doorbell. He answered and I went in and got my stuff but didn’t really talk to him. I haven’t talked to him since then actually. Justin and Sean went over there on Sun. to get some green and Justin said things weren’t really awkward but that James did tell Sean he wanted to talk to him about something (not when Justin was around obviously…). I’m DYING to know what is said…I hope Justin finds out and tells me!
I was kind of worried that after sleeping with him I wouldn’t hear from him anymore but things have been going just the same as they were before so I’m happy. He didn’t kiss me or anything when he dropped me off at James’ but I’m trying to not read too much into that.
Saturday I went to my cousin’s baby shower. Justin told me he was working that night and I could come up there and drink if I wanted to, but I would have felt weird going up there alone so I just went to Grace’s and hung out for awhile.
Sunday James was supposed to help me, Grace and her bf move some of my stuff but obv. that didn’t happen! We asked our friend Kyle instead so we got a few of my things moved. Now I just need to finish packing this week and we will move the rest of my big stuff on Saturday! Whew!
But anyway back to the James thing…we still have not spoken since then and I really don’t even know exactly WHY he is so pissed off. All I know is that this was the FINAL STRAW. I’m sick and tired of being treated this way by him and dealing with his temper tantrums and uncalled for anger. ALL of our friends notice it…I don’t know if he realizes that. I know that as his best friend I should try explaining that to him, but he will not take it well. He probably won’t even listen. It would just turn into an even bigger fight. So I’m cutting myself off from him. If he contacts me I will tell him that and explain why…but until he gets the help that he needs I can’t be his friend anymore. I don’t know if that makes me a bad person or friend, but I need to do this for ME. I’m finally getting myself to the point where I need to be, and I can’t have his negative energy dragging me down. I feel sad because he is my BEST FUCKING FRIEND in the world and now I don’t have him…but he’s just too far gone and there’s nothing else I can do.
So I guess this entry is happy and sad. Happy for the way things are going with Justin, but sad that I lost my best friend and that he is obviously hurting and dealing with emotional things that I can’t help him with, no matter how much I wish I could and no matter how hard I’ve been trying.
On top of the stress of moving this week I’m also working overtime…let’s hope the money is worth the stress!!!!!!
Happy Monday!
<3!
Ugh! I just realized I forgot to mention that we all figured out later on Friday that James never texted Sean to ask him if he was coming out! So I don’t think James knew Justin and Sean were going to be showing up! Justin assumed James talked to Sean because Sean decided to go (he thought that was why) and I assumed the same so I never even asked James if he talked to Sean that night. So for some reason James purposely did not ask Sean about going (even though he told me he would ask him!) which is EVEN MORE FUCKED UP! WHY IS HE SUCH AN ASSHOLE?! =(
Oh man! I also forgot to say that the bar we were at Friday had a sign advertising bottomless mimosas on Sundays from 10-3. Justin and I both wanted to go, but then we forgot all about it! I remembered last night and said something and I was like I wish we could have went! And he said we should have
! So I asked him if he wants to go this Sunday and he said yes as long as he doesn’t have work! YayYyyy!