08/09/2013

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Well I guess I just needed some time to be sad, but I feel so much better today.

Turns out my text to Mike never went through in the morning yesterday so I resent it when I got off.  He wrote back saying he was sick of arguing with someone who lives 2000 miles away.  Fair enough.  I said it didn’t have to be that way and couldn’t we just move on and forget about it.  He said nothing.  So I guess not.  Then I said, "ok well I’ll leave you alone then.  No matter what it was still nice meeting you and I had an awesome time at LIB with you".  So yes, I still sounded a little psycho but whatever.  It’s done now.  Over.  Moving on…

I don’t have time for someone who doesn’t have time for me anyway.

I know that I am beautiful and awesome and funny and nice and caring.  Yeah I can be a little crazy sometimes, but can’t we all?  Yes I have anxiety and that is what a lot of my issues stem from, but all I can do is continue working on it.

This whole week I have done nothing but come home from work and sit on my couch feeling sorry for myself.  I HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT! I feel like I keep going through stages where I’m okay and doing great and then I get in a dark place and it’s hard to pull myself out again.  I guess it’s good that I realize these things, because that’s the first step to fixing them.  Next week I’m going to restart my 5K training, work on packing, and try to do things with friends.  No more feeling sorry for myself and sad and letting idiot guys get me down.

Finally went grocery shopping last night.  I had needed to go for over a week, but because I was in my depressive state I couldn’t even make myself.  Sad.  But now I have food and drinks again, yay! =)

I had to stop by the gas station in front of my apartment complex last night and I saw a cute guy getting gas at one of the pumps.  I was parked across from him and I could see him staring at me over the top of the gas pumps but I felt really shy so I kept looking away!  He had the prettiest blue eyes.  When I was done getting gas I went inside to use the ATM.  He had gotten back in his car but was just sitting in it and I could see him looking at me through the window!  I came back out to my car and got in and looked over at him again.  He was still looking at me so I kind of smiled and he held up his hand like hold on wait a minute.  He got out of his car and came over to me and introduced himself (his name is Tyler) and said he knew he would hate himself if he didn’t come say something to me!  He asked me for my number and it was so cute, he had to go back to his car to get his phone!  I could see his hands shaking when he put my number in his phone!  He texted me a little later and said he was glad to meet me and hopes we can hang out soon! =)  Super sweet!!!  

Anyway tonight after work I’m going to my parents.  Dinner with my mom for her bday (things are still weird-ish between us, we never talked about our fight) and then cutting my 2nd cousin’s hair.  She is so precious!  Then I’m going to Grace’s for the bonfire.  Tomorrow is an annual FREE event called Party in the Park.  All local DJ’s come out and play and there’s kid’s activities and all sorts of other things. It’s a really fun time!  One of my friends won a DJ contest to plat there and then another one of my friends won a contest to play at the after party! So I’m excited for all that.  

Thinking about all these exciting things I have to do this weekend has made me realize that my life is NOT so bad and I just need to keep putting myself out there and forcing myself to be social because that is what will make me happy and pull me out of that deep, dark place.

Happy Friday!!!

<3!

This is a reminder to myself….something that I need to always remember <3